Last Children of Gallifrey
by Doctor WTF
Summary: Cured of his drums the Master had expected to die with the fall of Gallifrey. Unfortunately, others had different plans and now he's stuck with the Idiot and his pet Earthing. Dying would have been preferable. A drabble series.
1. Ignorance is Bliss

I've been tossing this fic around in my head for a long time, but it was only upon finding and reading madis hartte's story _Melody Williams_ (which is in my Favorite Stories list so you should read it!) that showed me how it could be written. Eternal thanks to madis and I hope you enjoy the drabbles!

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><p>He had been burning, bleeding, dying. The blood of Rassilon had been wet beneath his fingernails. Screams and groans and cries for mercy had mingled with smoke around him as the last children of Gallifrey went extinct.<p>

But the Master, laying in a pool of his own blood, had been smiling as his hearts beat their last. For in his head the drums were gone and his mind was free and he had never known such bliss. Contentment had filled him as he willingly went to his death.

Unfortunately, others had different plans.


	2. Self Worth

"You had better be worth this," the voice had said.

Hands had picked him up and dragged him down the hall. Their owner swore as his limp body encountered rubble and debris and the bodies of fallen Time Lords and had to be picked up and hauled over them. Once he considered telling the hands' owner to leave him be and leave him alone to die, but in that strange space between consciousness and death he hovered unable to do anything. So the hands dragged him along as the building collapsed around them.

"You had better be worth this," the voice had said again as they stopped, panting.

Hands dragged him up into a sitting position, and pushed him up against a wall to keep him that way. The smell of ozone was in the air as the hands' owner set up some sort of machine. A deep groaning sound filled the air and the earth began to shake. The planet's final moments, the Master realized. The hands' owner seemed to realize it too and worked faster. The hands were on him again, fumbling as something cold was pressed into his neck and then there was pain, sharp and burning, as something was injected into his veins. Another moment and the hands' owner gasped at the pain as she injected herself as well.

"He had better be worth this," the voice had said one last time, sluggish, as they both slipped into unconsciousness.

Hands clung to him. The machine activated. The building collapsed. The planet shook, shattered. Its core vented into space sending superhot metals exploding outward. The Daleks burned. Their spaceships exploded. The carnage spread, a chain reaction of death that consumed all it touched. In the end nothing was left but dust and debris, the remains of a shattered world that smoldered for hours before growing cold.

Gallifrey was no more.


	3. 1263

The shepherd had been nearly hysterical when he had reached the town. Shouting of demons and witches he had led a group of lightly armed men to the sea where they found nothing but an odd smell lingering in the breeze.

Fearing that the man was bewitched the men had escorted the shepherd to the priest for him to tell his tale. He told them of a flash of lightening and a roar of thunder that had scattered his flock and sent him to his knees. He told them of the woman and man who had fallen from the sky. How the woman had risen first and attacked the man as he lay, helpless on the ground. How the man had fought back, erupting into flame and screaming as the woman scrambled away from him. And he told them how the man had stood there, a different face appearing as the flames receded. The shepherd had run, fearing for his very soul as he fled from the scene before him.

The priest declared it a vision of our Lord Jesus Christ and his fight against the Devil and led the people in prayer for months to deliver them from the evils of Satan.


	4. Song of the River

He's a prisoner of the woman with the stupid hair and ridiculous name and he hates her every breathe. The tiny suite of rooms where she keeps him have no windows or doors to the outside, no telly, and all the furniture is bolted to the floor. When he grumbles that she must have been planning this for awhile she laughs and says that solitary is just a convenient place to stash him for a bit and that he'll be gone before the Warden even knows he's there.

That just confuses him but he doesn't dare ask her what he means because he can't stand her knowing looks.

She somehow comes and goes as she pleases, brings him terrible food, and won't answer his questions. He sulks when she's present, searches for a way out when she's gone, and burns his fingers on the panels covering the lights when he tries to open them.

After a week of this hilarity the woman arrives with his dinner (as usual) and smiles at him (less usual). "It's not much longer now," she says brightly.

"Not much longer until what?" he grudgingly asks and is infuriated when she replies with, "Spoilers."

The next day it's "Four days to go." Then "Three more now" and "Two more days!"

He decides that the countdown is worse than the days of monotony but at least they have a silver lining. They show that the end to this is coming.


	5. Preparations

It's the day the countdown ends and as he waits for the woman to appear he finds himself almost happy. He thinks of the places he'll go and the things he'll do and wonders what difference the loss of the drums will make. The thought of mischief and conquest still appeals to him, but without the drums he can think of different things to do. Sight-seeing for one. He pictures himself wandering the spice fragrant streets of a world he's never visited before and the thought makes him a little warm inside. But then the woman appears in a flash of ozone and he buries his hopes to meet her eyes.

"About time," he grumbles, going to meet her.

She laughs and takes his arm. The woman takes them away to Rome with her Vortex Manipulator ("Rubbish way to travel" he tells her) and points him to a public bathhouse. "You stink," she says playfully before vanishing again.

Coin purse in hand he realizes that this is his chance to escape. But does he really want to run away to Rome BC? He looks disdainfully at the humans that surround him with their filth and decides that the moment he had to eat he'd regret staying here. So he goes inside, not because he takes orders, but because he does indeed smell.

He emerges clean, scrubbed, massaged, and relaxed with his stubble shaved off and his hair trimmed to the height of Roman fashion. It's not a particularly good look for him, but better than his previous shagginess. The woman is waiting for him when he exits, her curly hair still damp.

Next is Paris. They arrive on a tree lined boulevard and the woman takes his arm as they pursue the shops.

"I was thinking Armani," she says, gesturing to the shop. He compliments her taste, honestly pleased, and they go in.

He runs the shop clerk ragged demanding this suit cut and that fabric and those shoes. He orders a dozen silk handkerchiefs embroidered with 'M' in gothic font because he can and arranges for the finest cotton underclothes and shirts the woman's money can buy.

The woman smiles encouragingly, occasionally suggesting that this tie may go better with his eyes or that maybe he should consider a colored shirt instead of pure white. He ends up deciding on a black suit and shirt, a matching vest, and a blood red tie. He inspects himself in the mirror and realizes that he feels like himself again in a way he's not felt since before that nonsense with the snake and the possessions.

While the tailor is taking his measurements to prefect the fit he realizes that the Song woman has vanished again. It's another chance to escape, but the year is 2015 and he's in France of all places. Sure, the wine is good, but without a passport it'll take him ages to get to true civilization.

Instead he triples his order and berates the shop clerk when he can't find a belt in precisely the shade of black he wanted.

The Song woman reappears in time to pay and they lunch in a café on wine, quiche, and raspberry tarts. The conversation is actually pleasant he thinks to himself. They don't talk about the future, but he does tell her a little about his past leaving out the snake, the foiled plans, and anything that involves the Doctor. He tells her that he's quite fond of rock and roll and she laughs and tells him that she thought he would be a classical lover. They badmouth Beethoven together and laugh.

Then they jump forward a week to pick up his order. While he's dressing and checking the fit she vanishes again and he's annoyed that there's no one with a brain to tell him how fantastic he looks. He's forgotten about cufflinks, despite demanding that all his new shirts require them, and stalks down the street to the closest jewelers to buy some. He's snapping at the girl behind the counter when the Song woman reappears.

She's dressed in a long green gown that shimmers as she moves, her hair piled up on her head, and her makeup immaculate. She smiles at him and for a moment his mouth goes dry and his hearts pound before he remembers himself and wraps himself in hate.

When she asks him what's wrong he tells her and she laughs. "I've already taken care of it," she says and hands him a box. Inside are cufflinks engraved with the seal of Rassilon and a gold Rolex watch. The watch's hands glide soundlessly between the seconds and he's almost touched and grateful that River would think to spare him the ticking.

They pick up his packages and River helps him put on his cufflinks. This regeneration's fingers are more clumsy he tells himself as he pointedly ignores her.

But he offers her his arm this time and escorts her out of the shop and into the alley so they can jump once more.


	6. Anniversary

They arrive on a wide lawn overlooking a lake. A large picnic blanket has been spread and is well shaded by a gigantic umbrella. A champagne bottle resting in ice mocks his expectations.

"What is all this?" he asks suspiciously.

"It's my anniversary," River says in reply.

He's struck dumb by her answer and his hearts thrum as she leads him to the blanket. His mind races. Who is this woman with the blond curly hair who strolls through time with the confidence of a Time Lord?

River unpacks two glasses from the hamper and he opens the champagne, sending the cork flying. He pours and they sip, staring at the swans who glide over the dark water.

He's about to ask her something important when a gasping wheeze fills the air. It's a noise he knows down to his bones and he stiffens as River smiles in delight and jumps to her feet. She kicks off her heels and runs across the lawn to meet the blue box as it materializes. The door opens and she's there, leaping into the arms of the baby-faced fop inside and he feels more foolish than he's ever felt before.

He drains his glass and sets it aside, then stands as you must always meet your enemy eye to eye. His hearts are harder than diamonds, his emotions dead as the grave. There had once been a him that had thought impossible thoughts but that him is over and he suffered no harm from it.

The woman is finally breaking her kiss and detangling herself from the fop's embrace. She steps back so the Doctor can see her prize. Their eyes meet and the Doctor freezes, jaw dropping. He looks a bigger fool than ever before, the Master thinks in triumph. He's locked his hearts in boxes of steel and lost the key while the Doctor wears his on his sleeve.

The Doctor's eyes are filling with tears. "River," he whispers hoarsely, "what have you done?"


	7. Love

River smiles at her beloved and kisses him softly on the cheek. "Happy anniversary, Sweetie."


	8. Hate

The Master stares at them both and hates and vows that they will rue this day. But for now he smiles coldly and stares the Doctor in the eye. "So Doctor, we meet again."


	9. Plans Gone Awry

River is annoyed. She follows the Doctor around the center console as he dances and twirls and runs away. It almost warms his hearts to see them both annoyed, worried, and snapping.

"I spent a lot of time setting all that up, Sweetie. The least you can do is tell me what's the matter!" River nearly shouts as the Doctor throws levers and dances away from her.

"Not now River," he says in reply and the Master can almost hear River's nerves grate.

He's sitting on the steps down, playing with a blade of grass he stole before the Doctor rushed them away. The Doctor's changed the control room settings, he thinks absently as River and the Doctor squabble. It annoys him. He'd actually rather liked the coral and doesn't know what to think of the new layout. Glass and stupid, he mentally names it, eyeing the pools of black ick that lurk beneath him. In his mind he can hear the TARDIS's disapproval of him. He has the feeling that if he tries to touch her controls he'll be shocked into regenerating by her.

River has her hands on her hips now and is fixing the Doctor with a look that men have feared for all time. "Tell me what the matter is," she says sternly. "Now."

The Doctor looks at her, looks at the Master, looks at her, bites his lip, opens his mouth, falters, looks at the Master again, and rushes forward to grab River and pull her away. It's all whispers then, the Doctor's voice rising and falling as he speaks. River is louder, blunter, and more annoyed. They break apart when River hikes up her gown and begins to stalk towards the interior of the TARDIS. "Well, if we're not going to be able to have a pleasant evening, I might as well get changed," she says crossly.

"River!" the Doctor whines, following her. His voice is pleading. "Don't be like that," he admonishes gently. "I just need to know how you did it!"

"Spoilers," River snaps and sweeps down the hall.

For a moment he thinks the Doctor will follow her, but the other Time Lord stops, fidgets, and slowly turns around. They lock eyes again, the Master sulking on the stair and the Doctor looking like a guilty school boy.

"So," the Doctor says after a long moment.

"Don't speak to me," the Master growls, voice dripping with hate. He turns his back to the Doctor, wishing that he was still on Gallifrey and dead. He wishes he had fled when he had the chance and stuck in Ancient Rome. He wishes he had stayed in France and enjoyed the wine a bit longer. Anything would be better than this. He's the prisoner of his oldest enemy now and doomed to be kept and paraded about as his pet for all of eternity. If they weren't in the void he would be stalking through the TARDIS doors right now and loosing himself in whatever god forsaken land he found. Instead, he continues to sit on the stairs unwilling to follow River into the interior of the TARDIS as he'll have to pass the Doctor to do it.

Behind him, the Doctor sighs heavily and goes back to the central console.

River emerges dressed plainly in boots made for hiking and her hair pulled back. The gun at her waist is a warning to the world and the Master wonders why the Doctor doesn't protest its presence. She joins the Doctor at the console and helps him fly, turning on the stabilizers and keeping the parking break off. "Where are we going?" she asks, voice still chilly.

He can feel the Doctor looking at him and ignores it.

"I, I mean we," the Doctor says hesitatingly, "have to run."

"From who?"

The Doctor wets his lips. The Master can feel River's eyes boring into his back as well.

"Everyone."


	10. Toddler Tantrums

"Here we are!" the Doctor says loudly as he opens the door. "_This_ can be your room!"

The bed is a twin and covered with a faded quilt and the walls are papered with roses. A white mirrored dresser sits in the corner with a vase of daisies on it. From the doorway he can see into the bathroom. It's tiled yellow. It looks like the sort of room a five year old human girl would dream of and the Doctor's face falls when he tells him that.

"How about this one then?" the Doctor asks, darting across the hall.

The bed's a double, but that's the only redeeming feature this time. The walls are white and covered with pictures of people he doesn't know. A bird cage with a canary sits in the corner. A wicker rocking chair sits in front of a big bay window with someone's unfinished knitting waiting on it. It's a room for a little old lady, he snaps and slams the door.

The Doctor's looking puzzled and he exchanges glances with a grinning River Song as he crosses to the next room. "This one then?"

It looks like a cheap hotel room, soulless and dull. The coverlet is floral and the mattress is hard.

"Next one for sure!"

There's only a crib in this one. River coos over the teddy bear and plays with the mobile before fixing the Doctor with a saucy look. "Was this room supposed to be mine?" she asks playfully.

The Master stares at him, eyebrow raised, and The Doctor flushes beet red. He hustles them out and opens the next door. "Try this one."

An avalanche of boxes tumble out and the Master rolls his eyes as River and the Doctor stop and try to force them back in. He stalks down the corridor opening doors one by one. He finds spare bathrooms and a library, more junk rooms and a swimming pool. Eventually he finds something halfway decent, hesitates and decides that it's the best he's going to get. He steps inside, slams the door shut, and locks it before the Doctor can follow him in.

The floors are dark wood and the walls are papered Victorian green. The bed's a king and a four poster and dominates the room. There's no window, but there is a fireplace burning with a worn red armchair sitting before it. The bathroom is black marble. On an end table there's a decanter of something alcoholic and he pours himself a drink before sinking into his seat in front of the fire.

He stares into the flames, drinks what turns out to be port, and considers his options.

Hours later, all the alcohol gone and his stomach empty he emerges to find that his room's relocated so it's now by the kitchen. He quietly shuts the door behind himself, noting the cheery bronze plate on the door that says 'Master' and stalks down the hall.

The Doctor is the door next to him, River across the hall from them both. Someone named Ponds is next to her and then there's a long unbroken stretch of doors with bronze plates so tarnished you can't see the names anymore. He thinks he can make out a name that may be 'Pose,' but looses interest before he can figure it out.

The kitchen is empty but there's a plate with his name on it resting on the counter. It's a steak with a baked potato and steamed carrots, all cold as ice now. He eats it without reheating it first. Then he pops down the stairs to the wine cellar, grabs a couple of bottles that look old and expensive, and goes back to his room.

River is there, leaning against his door, waiting for him. "Are you just going to sulk then?"

"Out of my way," he snaps, feeling the rage fill him once more.

"I didn't go and save you so you could just sulk," River says crossly.

"No, you saved me so the Doctor could keep me as his little pet and imprison me for the rest of eternity."

River opens her mouth to protest but he has no patience for excuses. Shoving her aside he goes into his room and slams the door behind him. He stands there for a moment, trembling with rage and throws one of his bottles. It smashes against the wall and shatters, dripping red wine down his wall to pool on the floor.

He drinks the remaining bottle without a glass, staring into the flames and hating the universe.


	11. Boredom Blues

"That's it!" River shouts, exasperated, snapping her book shut.

"What's it?" the Doctor asks.

He doesn't react when the Doctor looks at him, refusing to be brought into this budding argument. _He_ has been perfectly happy ignoring them completely and reading through the Doctor's collection of military history books. _They_ are the ones that follow him around the TARDIS like ducklings and won't give him a moment's peace.

"This!" River says, gesturing around her to encompass the library, the books, the chairs, the swimming pool, and them. "We've had a week of doing nothing and it's driving me mad. It has to end."

The Doctor opens his mouth to protest and River cuts him off. "Sweetie, if I wanted monotony I would be in Stormcage right now counting the ceiling tiles for the 985,673th time. We're going someplace today."

"River, be reasonable," the Doctor begs, but she won't hear of it.

"You live in a time machine, Sweetie, not a stay-in-one-time-and-place machine. Now, I'm going to go freshen up and change my shoes and when I get back I expect that you've decided on someplace fantastic to visit."

And with that she's gone and the Doctor is sighing crossly and staring at him.

The Master turns a page. He's not done reading the page yet, but he has to turn it or else the Doctor will realize that he has been paying attention to their fight rather than his book.

"So," the Doctor says after a long moment. "Is there anywhere you'd like to go?" He's sitting in his chair attentively like a dog waiting for its treat. "Studio 54 maybe?" River had tattled and told him of his enjoyment of rock and the Doctor somehow thought disco was the same thing. "Maybe we could do a bit of shopping?" She'd also told him about their pleasant expedition. "We could pop in and visit Waterloo."

"What makes you think I'd ever want to go there?"

The Doctor hesitates and smiles weakly. "You're reading a book about it."

The Master freezes then frowns and snaps the book shut. "You're free to go wherever you wish," he says coldly, standing up. "I, on the other hand, am staying here."

"It would go better for you if you'd come along," the Doctor says gently. "When River gets in one of her moods she can be pretty… insistent."

"I'm so scared. What will the pathetic little Earth-girl do to me if I don't come? Weep on me?"


	12. The Best Ones Have Sprinkles

Looking back, he should have remembered that it had been River who had entered the Last Great Time War knowing it would be full of Daleks and murderous Time Lords. It was River who walked around with a gun strapped to her thigh at all times. It was River who had commandeered the bowling alley to be her makeshift rifle range so she could practice target shooting.

It also turned out that it was River who had a mean right hook and fought dirty.

_Rule number 1_, he thinks to himself as he cradles his aching head. _Never get into a physical altercation with the Earth Bitch._

"Ice?" the Doctor offers and he takes the icepack, pressing it to his rapidly swelling eye. The Doctor hisses in sympathy and pats him softly on the shoulder. "I did try to warn you."

"Where are we going?" River asks brightly. She doesn't have a mark on her besides the nail she broke dragging his stunned body to the console room. Usually a person striking him and getting away with it was cause to hate them more than he already did, but his hate for River was already infinite and undying. At this rate he was going to have to invent new levels of loathing or actually start liking her. "Beijing? London? What did you boys pick?"

"Hiroshima 1945," the Master suggests. "I'm thinking that August sounds good and we should get their early for breakfast."

"You," River says, pointing at him and smiling, "have lost your choosing privileges for the day." She turns her gaze to the Doctor. "Did you have somewhere in mind, Sweetie, or am I going to have to do everything myself?"

The Doctor grins at her widely. "Be prepared to be amazed!" he says excitedly, like a child on Christmas Day. "We are going to-" he pauses dramatically, "Space Flordia!"

He stares. River blinks.

"Space Flordia?" she repeats. "We're going to Space Flordia?"

"What the hell is Space Flordia?" the Master wonders out loud.

"Oh you two are going to _**love**_ it!" the Doctor enthuses, running up to the central console and beginning to flip switches. The TARDIS jerks to life and they all lurch as they head into the Void. "There'll be sand, surf, and sun! There's a water park and roller coaster rides and automatic-"

The Master tunes him out. Briefly he wonders if he could make it to his room and lock the door to escape the cruelty the Doctor has planned but the Song woman must be able to read thoughts because she moves to stand next to him. "Don't even think about it," she hisses lowly. "We're stuck in this together."

He glares at her. "I hate you so much," he growls.

"I know," River laughs as the Doctor suddenly stops working to stare at them.

"What are you two talking about?" he asks hesitantly, a worried expression crossing his face.

"Suncream," River says lightly, lying easily and well. "Our dear Cupcake is going to burn like a candle if he's not careful about applying."

The Master sputters and the Doctor grins.

"_Cupcake!_?"

It was time to invent new levels of loathing.


	13. Sticks and Stones

They're running and he's starting to think about short term satisfaction verses long term-goals. It had seemed like such a good idea at the time, fires always seem like a good idea, but as he runs from the yelling mob he realizes that he's also become quite attached to living.

It doesn't help that the air is thicker or the gravity is heavier or, well, something is wrong with this horrible planet. Something _has_ to be wrong with it. Because the Doctor and River are outdistancing him by a yard and River is laughing hysterically and the Doctor is scolding them both while he's cramping and panting and struggling to close the distance between them. And if the Doctor hangs back and tries to grab his hand one more time he's going to stop and cut it off, consequences be damned.

They round the corner and the TARDIS is in sight and the Doctor raises one hand, snaps his fingers, and the door opens. _That's new,_ the Master thinks. He can still remember ill fated attempts trying to pick the lock on the blasted thing to set traps. _It was always easier when the idiot left it unlocked_.

River's first through the door, then the Doctor, and finally he stumbles through and slams the door shut behind them. He's wheezing – actually wheezing! – for breathe, his hands on his knees as he tries to get his breathing under control. The Doctor and River are dancing around the center console, inputting a new destination, throwing levers, and otherwise getting them anywhere else.

"You all right there?" River asks looking amused as he continues to pant. Her face is flushed but she's not breathing hard. "I think you need a bit more exercise if a brisk jog like that did you in, Cupcake."

He glares at her and names the level of hate he feels 'White dwarf.' "It's the smoke," he protests. "I inhaled too much of it."

"Right," she smirks.

"Oh do shut your mouth, ape. You're letting all the hot air out."

"Don't you dare speak to River that way!" the Doctor shouts, whirling away from the controls to glare at him. "And the fire! Why did you have to do that? We were having a pleasant time in a pleasant place surrounded by pleasant people! Must you ruin everything you touch?"

The Master blinks at him, surprised at the Doctor's sudden anger. "You're blaming me for that?" he asks, incredulous. He supposes that, technically, it is his fault but that the Doctor should have expected that forcing him to be stuck in a small car on rails, surrounded by whiny filthy ape children, while frightening automated dolls sang 'It's an Exceptionally Large Universe After All' for the _fifth time_ would drive him back into madness. "That ride was asking for it!"

"That doesn't mean you're allowed to go and set it on fire!"

"Allowed? Are you going to start telling me what I can and cannot do now? Are you supposed to be my Mother now?"

"Well if that's the only way to get you acting like a decent person-"

"Boys!" River snaps.

"Don't you _**dare**_ liken me to one of those revolting apes-"

"BOYS!" River shouts.

They both fall silent.

"If you're done squabbling… You," she points at the Master with a glare, "should not have set anything on fire no matter how annoying you found it. There were children present and someone could have been hurt. And Sweetie," she turns to the Doctor, "maybe Space Florida wasn't the best idea? While the beaches are lovely the rides can be a bit of a trial. I don't know the Master as well as you, but-"

"That's just it, River," the Doctor interrupts. "You don't know the Master at all." He reaches out, grabs River's hand and pulls her close. "You don't know what he's done. You don't know what he's capable of."

River touches his face. "I know what you told me Sweetie. I know that he was once your friend. And that you missed him."

"I did," the Doctor confesses and the Master feels as if someone's shoved a dagger into his gut. This is too personal, too soon. He's not ready to tread this ground yet. One day he may be able to face his past with the Doctor and accept it and move on, but that day is not today. Then the Doctor says a word and fears of acceptance and forgiveness and a big soppy happy ending comes crashing down around him. "Once."

He stares at them, unbelieving.

"He was once my friend."

Once.

"But River, he changed. He's killed people…"

Once?

"…destroyed worlds…"

**_ONCE!_?**

"And River, I've looked into his mind. The drums are gone, but he's still the same person as before! If we bring him with us who knows what damage he'll end up doing?"

"I am still here you know," the Master snaps.

They both look at him and the Doctor's face is sadder than he's ever seen it before. Dropping River's hand, the Doctor turns to face him. "You've killed people, Koschei. Good people. Innocent people. You've destroyed lives and worlds and tortured people I cared about. You've tried to kill me innumerable times, hurt my TARDIS, and… And, I've forgiven you for all of it every step of the way." The Doctor looks away and sighs deeply. He raises his eyes to meet the Master's and he can see the tears brimming inside of them. "I just can't let you do any of it again."

His fists are clenched so tightly he thinks he's started to draw blood. "Say it," he snaps.

"Say what? Koschei, I-"

"_Don't call me that!_" the Master bellows. "Say that you wish I was dead."

"No, I didn't mean that. I-"

"Say that you wish that I was still stuck on Gallifrey, laying in a pool of my own blood while our planet shatters and burns around me."

"Never. I-"

"_**SAY IT!**_"

The Doctor hesitates and swallows. He wets his lips. "I don't want you dead," he says after a long moment. "But I can't have you here."


	14. Can't Escape my Nightmares

**AN: I've finally taken advantage of the T rating for this one. Enjoy!**

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><p>In his dreams he's a child, running through the long grass plains of Gallifrey. His homeworld's red sun kisses his lips with her warm rays as he trips and falls, gets up and runs again. He's skinned his knees bloody. Grit, grass, and blood cake his hands from his falls. His hearts pound – or is it the drums that beat? – and his breathe is labored as he runs. Tears stream from his eyes and his nose runs, but he can't stop to mop them up. If he stops they'll catch up with him. If he stops he'll die.<p>

In the distance, waiting peacefully beneath wide silver leaves Theta Sigma sits. An open book is on his lap and he's pursuing it with a quiet intensity.

If he can get to Theta he'll be safe. If he can get to Theta the monsters will go away and he'll live. He doesn't want to die. He hates dying. Every time he dies he gets worse and worse and he wants things to get better for once.

He screams Theta's name, but he's still too far away and Theta doesn't hear him. Behind him, his pursuers are catching up. He can hear their footsteps thudding behind him, feel their hot breathe on his neck. He shouts for Theta again and stumbles, mid-shout. He catches himself before he falls to the ground and keeps running. It's just in time. Claws rake his back and he screams.

Sobbing, he runs.

He's almost made it across the field. "Theta, help me!" he shouts as Theta turns the page and smiles at something he's reading. "Theta!"

He's so close now, just feet away when he trips. Hitting the ground hard, the air forced from his lungs, and lays there stunned. "Theta," he whispers hoarsely, reaching out to him. "Help me."

The monsters catch him. Pull him back as he reaches out for salvation and is denied as Theta turns another page.

He's still reaching for him when the monsters tear him to pieces. They strip off his skin and nibble off his fingers. They crack his bones to suck out the marrow and drink his blood like wine. He watches Theta read, still hoping for deliverance, until they pluck out his eyes. He screams for help until they devour his lungs. Then he's trapped in the darkness, hearts pounding, until-

He wakes, gasping for breath and dripping sweat. He clutches himself, shaking and rocking back and forth until the tremors cease and he's gotten his breathing back under control. It was just a dream, he tells himself.

But if it was just a dream, some small traitorous part of his mind whispers, why are the drums back in your head?

He laughs hysterically, curling up into a ball. _I've gone mad again,_ he thinks.

And that's when River Song finally manages to kick in his door.


	15. Security Blanket

The Doctor is hovering behind River when she kicks his door in, wringing his hands with worry written all over his face. As River sweeps in, gun in hand, he rushes to the bed to take the Master into his arms.

The Doctor is wiping his sweat drenched hair back from his eyes, babbling and asking him a million questions. But the Master is watching River as she searches the room, checking his walk-in closet and bathroom. She's thorough, checking behind his carefully hung up clothes and in his linen cupboard. She looks up the chimney and, to his immense thanks (which he will never ever vocalize), under the bed.

"Room's clear," she finally says, holstering the gun.

He closes his eyes, relived though he doesn't know why. He knew it was all a dream, but the _confirmation_ is nice, he thinks absently. He's relaxing, slipping back towards unconsciousness as the Doctor holds him too tightly when he realizes that the pounding in his head is gone.

Bolting upright, wrenching himself out of the Doctor's arms as he does so, he stares at River. "You were pounding on my door," he says, careful to keep a question or hope out of his voice.

River is in his chair by the fire, rubbing her shoulder.

"You were screaming," the Doctor supplies helpfully, eyeing him wearily, "and shouting for help."

He ignores him and his answer and carefully deletes the last part of that sentence from his mind forever. "You," he says again, pointing at River and trying not to notice how much he's still trembling, "were pounding on my door."

River exchanges looks with the Doctor and finally nods. "It was locked," she says.

_It was never the drums,_ he thinks to himself. _It was River. The useless, infuriating, despicable, good-for-nothing, wonderful Earthling._

And he's laughing again, hysterical bordering on maniacal with relief. And the Doctor and River are looking at each other, faces grave with concern.

An hour later, after the Doctor has injected him with something he promises will help with sleep, he dreams the same dream again. But this time, when the monsters catch him, River appears and puts a bullet between each monster's eyes.


	16. Song of Sorrow

She's leaning against the kitchen counter, sipping from a mug of steaming hot chocolate, when the Doctor walks in. _He looks so tired_, she thinks as she nods towards the second mug. "Made you one," she says.

"Oh you beautiful woman, you," the Doctor sighs taking the cup with both hands to sip from it deeply. He moves to the kitchen table and River grabs the biscuit tin and follows. "He's sleeping now," the Doctor says as River opens the tin and takes her pick. "I've given him something to help. It should keep him out for hours."

"What's wrong with him?" River asks, dunking her biscuit into her drink and eating the sopping results.

"I think he was having a nightmare."

"No. I mean, what's wrong, wrong with him? He doesn't act…" she almost finishes with 'like you,' "…right."

The Doctor sighs and his eyes are older than galaxies. Cupping his hands around his mug he bows his head and tells her. He tells her about his childhood and his family home on the mountain and the boy who lived in the big house below. He tells her of the adventures small boys find when they're left alone and the trouble they get into. He tells her of the Academy and how the boy changed and slipped away without him ever knowing why.

The biscuit tin goes empty and their drinks go cold. He tells her of being trapped on Earth, of the Master that the boy became and the plots he made. He tells her of the finding the Master again, of their final conflicts. And then he tells her about the drums. How the Time-Lords placed them in the Master's head in a desperate attempt to escape their fate and how they'd been his only constant companion in his descent into madness.

"Does he still have them?" River asks when he's done.

The Doctor shakes his head. "No. I'm not sure why. Being back on Gallifrey during its destruction may have broken the signal."

For a long moment she's silent. This is more than the Doctor has ever told her before. "You've only told me bits before," she finally says. "Childhood remembrances mostly. Fond memories together at the Academy. When you told me how he walked into the Time-Lock there were tears in your eyes and I thought-"

"River," the Doctor interrupts. "Spoilers."

She looks at him and hates his spoiler policy more than she's hated anything in her entire life.

"River," the Doctor says again after a long moment. His voice is pained. "I don't know what to do with him."

River stares into her ice cold cup and chews her lip. She reaches a decision and smiles at the Doctor. "Isn't it obvious?" she says, hoping that the Doctor doesn't realize her cheer is fake. "We make him better."

The Doctor meets her eyes. "Do you really think we can?"

"Of course, my love," she lies. _And if we can't I'll take responsibility and put the mad dog down_.


	17. A Definate No

The Master is staring at the bookshelf, a barely contained frown on his face as he toys with the book in his hands. His eyes search the shelf once, twice, three times more and he curses loudly. There's no more books he realizes crossly, shelving the book in its proper gap. An entire library's worth of books and there's not a single one left that he would read.

It's rubbish.

He pursues the shelves once more, hoping against sanity that the TARDIS will suddenly produce a new shelf full of acceptable reading material. But no. The shelves are full of travel and language guides, comic books, and a bound copies of the Saturday Evening Post. There's an entire bookshelf full of Earth 'classics' and a distressingly large selection of novels, but nothing remotely readable. He's read all the history books, devoured all the science (even the ridiculously outdated ones that attempt to explain the universe using strings and the Higgs boson), and even cracked the spine of a collection of poetry before remembering himself and tossing the book into his fireplace. (Burns did not actually burn as well as he had hoped.)

Now? Now, he is well and truly stuck with nothing else to read. And with a severe lack of reading material, there goes most of his excuses for the Doctor as well. Without a book in hand he'll have to pretend to listen to the Doctor's one-sided conversations. "One more chapter" won't be an acceptable put-off to get himself out of visiting whatever dull as dust planet the Doctor chosen to visit. And without a book to throw at her, River will never learn that "Go away, your voice disgusts me and I want to be alone" means exactly what it sounds like.

Life was about to become unbearable.

"There's nothing to read," he complains loudly, walking into the central console room in an attempt to ward off the inevitable.

The Doctor and River look up at him through the stupid glass floors. "It's your turn Sweetie," River laughs, going back to welding something that looks too vital for an ape to ever be allowed to weld.

"You already read all the books I brought you?" the Doctor asks, pushing up his goggles. He sets down his tools and stretches leisurely.

"The self-help books?"

"Yes."

"I burned those." This is another reason he needs a new stack of reading material. The Doctor has taken up bringing him self-help books and spouting off not-so-subtle suggestions that he should follow the advice within. And while burning each and every book he is given was amusing at first, it turned out that books didn't burn as well as he had envisioned and tearing out the pages to burn was a path full of tediousness and paper cuts.

"Why would you-" the Doctor starts to say then stops himself. Closing his eyes, the Doctor sighs deeply and mouths counting to ten.

This is another new development and he isn't sure how he feels about it. No matter what he does, neither the Doctor nor the Song woman will yell at him. At first he had thought it a blessing, a way of doing what he wanted without the lecture afterwards, but now… Well, he's getting bored. That was probably the idea too. He makes a mental note to upend and maybe set fire to the kitchen. He can't let them win, after all.

The Doctor opens his eyes and pastes a pleasant smile on his face. "I'll get you some new ones then."

Rolling his eyes, he crosses his arms and scowls widely. "I want something actually readable," he says amazed at how much like a petulant child he sounds.

The Doctor opens his mouth to protest, but from below River interrupts. "Oh let him pick out his own books, Sweetie. Our poor Cupcake will only pout otherwise."

"I don't pout!" the Master snaps, pouting. "And don't call me Cupcake!" he adds quickly. The truly painful thing is that he's almost used to the horrible nick-name. How he hates the Song woman.

"Fine!" the Doctor sighs, outnumbered. "I'll add more books to the TARDIS's central databank and have her make an addition."

"Or!" River cooes.

The Doctor hesitates and looks down at her. "Or?"

"Or we could make a little trip of it."

And then the Song woman does something that makes the hate melt away. He's desperate to get out of this hell-hole of a prison. Keeping his face carefully neutral he leans back against the railing and lets the Song woman make his case for him. From her tone she's obviously bored too. Even if it means being stuck in a dusty library with the universe's most dull sitters he's desperate for a change of settings and she is too.

"You know what happened the last time we let him out," the Doctor says gesturing to him, but otherwise acting like he isn't there. "And you want us to take him somewhere with books? They burn!"

"Not well," he mutters under his breathe.

"But Sweetie, if he burns the books he won't be able to read them," River says coyly. "Besides, the library I'm thinking of has one of the most advanced fire-suppression systems in history."

"And what library are you thinking of?" the Doctor asks. "The 63rd New York Public library on Titan? Amazon dot universe's home offices?"

"_The_ Library," River says with a smile. "A library the size of a planet with every book ever written housed there."

The Doctor suddenly goes still and he watches his old foe with fascination as River continues to prattle on.

"I've always wanted to go," River says softly. "Can you imagine a place with any book you could every possibly want at your fingertips? But it's been closed for ages and I never got the chance to visit." She looks up at the Doctor through the glass floor, her eyes bright, not noticing that the Doctor's hands have closed into fists and he's trembling ever so slightly. "How 'bout it then, Sweetie? A visit to the Library to fetch Cupcake some new books? It could be ever so much fu-"

"NO," the Doctor suddenly shouts. He seems to freeze for a moment, remembering himself. "I'm sorry," he says after a long pause, staring at nothing. "I'm so sorry."

They watch him walk out, a hurt look on River's face and unbridled curiosity on his.

When the Doctor doesn't return he sighs overdramatically. "There's still nothing to read."

River glares up at him. "Cupcake, someday I think I'm going to shoot you," she says lowly.

"I wish you would," he mutters under his breathe, wondering where his next batch of entertainment will come from. "And don't call me Cupcake."


	18. Take Two and Call Me in the Morning

It's not easy being the sole physiatrist at Stormcage prison, Dr. Everett Skloot thinks to himself with trepidation. He's been cursed at in more languages than he knew existed, been spit on by more races than he has fingers, and been strangled, poisoned, and hypnotized more times than he cares to remember. And today? Today is a bad day. For there is a large gap of his time reserved with no name on it, a large gap that he doesn't remember setting aside, and that can only mean one thing.

River Song is coming in for an appointment.

Everett cradles his head in his hands and wishes for gin. Not for the first time he wishes that he had made different choices in life. Ones that kept him away from working here. Ones that kept him away from River Song.

"Dr. Skloot, your three o'clock is here," Molly, his android's voice says from the intercom on his desk.

Everett groans out loud, but strives to compose himself. River Song is difficult enough as it is, but she's even worse when she can smell a weakness.

From down the hall comes a crash, bang, and what sounds like muffled screaming. He looks up at the door, confused. River Song is not one to carry on like one of his more troubled patients.

"I don't think this is a good idea," a male voice says.

"He's a professional," River's voice says. "Dealing with psychopaths is what he _does_. Besides. It's my turn to pick a cure."

"But tying him up?"

"I asked him nicely and he said no. Then I told him to come and he threw a book at my head. This was the only logical next step."

River kicks open his door with a crash and swaggers into the room carrying one end of a struggling, man sized bundle. It's trying to shout, Everett worries to himself as River grins at him widely. What has she gotten him into?

"Dr. Skloot!" River says warmly. "So good of you to agree to see our friend here!"

A man in a bow tie and tweed is carrying the other end of the struggling parcel. "Oh hello there!" he chirps cheerfully, giving a little wave and almost dropping his share instead. "Don't mind me! Just helping with the moving!"

"Ms. Song," Everett finally says, "what is the meaning of this!"

"Get him into the seat," River says, ignoring him completely.

"Right!" the bow tie man says then pauses. "Wait, do I have his feet or do you?"

"I think I do, Sweetie," River says as they struggle to get their burden upright, into his chair, and rebound.

Everett cradles his head in his hands again. Why? Why does this always happen to him?

"There we go!" River says cheerfully, securing the last knot. She rips the sack from the top of the parcel with a flourish and pats the enraged looking man she uncovers on the cheek. "There, there now," she says softly as the man moves as if to bite her. "Have a good session with Dr. Skloot now. If you're very good we'll even go out for biscuits afterwards!"

"I still don't think this is a good idea," the bow tie man says once more, running his hands through his hair.

"Can't be any worse than just sitting around," River says smirking. Taking the bow tie man by the arm she waves at him and gives him a little wink. "Be back in an hour, Dr. Skloot! Be good, Cupcake!"

The door closes behind them and Everett watches them go with a sort of terror settling into his heart. Swallowing hard he slowly turns to look at his captive patient and arches his fingers together. "So," he says after a long pause. "Tell me about yourself."

Gagged, the man stares at him with hate burning in his eyes.

"I think we've made some excellent progress," Everett says briskly, shutting his day planner with a snap and getting to his feet. "Well that's our session for the day and let's count on having our next appointment on the wrong side of never." And with that he flees. Five minutes later he's in the warden's office, finally quitting, and twenty minutes after that he's packed and on the long shuttle back to civilization. Job be damned, nothing his worth his own life and sanity.

Back in his office, the Master rolls his eyes and seethes in his bonds. He doesn't know when, he doesn't know where, but someday soon someone is going to pay for this.


	19. Packing

"You can't go," the Doctor protests in vain, unpacking River's suitcase as quickly as she packs it. "I can't handle him by myself. He won't listen to me!"

River smiles at him. "He doesn't listen to me either, Sweetie."

"No, but, well. You know. You can control him." _With brute bodily force,_ he adds mentally. "A little at least. More than me!"

River laughs. "Sweetie, the longer I stay with you, the longer my twelve thousand consecutive life sentences run on. Besides, after you drop me off all you have to do is pop ahead to the end of the week and pick me back up. You'll be alone for five minute at the most."

The Doctor continues to protest, continues to unpack, as he mentally broods. River has no idea how much trouble the Master can get into in five minutes.


	20. Another Song

"Leaving at last, are you?" the Master asks, smirking as he leans against the TARDIS doors.

River smiles at him kindly. "A week. But don't worry, it'll only be five minutes for you."

He grins at her wickedly. The Song woman obviously has no idea how much trouble he can cause in five minutes. "I'd say 'Have a nice visit,' but let's be honest: I want you to have a miserable time."

"If it makes you feel better, I will," River sighs. She pulls out a hand mirror and fluffs her hair. "Stormcage is always deadly dull."

"The prison?" he asks and she nods. He stares at her appraisingly for a moment trying to unravel the mystery of her and failing. "Oh River Song," he says, smiling again. "What sort of crimes did you have to commit to be locked away?"

"The Doctor never told you?" River asks, picking up her suitcase as the Doctor lands the TARDIS with a thump.

"Never."

She leans in close, her mouth by his ear. "I killed a man," she says grinning at him widely. "The best man I've ever known."

He's doing his best not to shiver at her soft voice so he looks straight into her eyes and pastes calm onto his face. "Who?"

"Guess."

Her eyes seem to be searing into his very soul and he looks away to catch a different sort of eyes. The Doctor is staring at him, a weary look on his face over the way River is standing with him. "The Doctor?"

"Of course."

"You missed."

River laughs loudly and reaches for the door. He steps aside to let her pass. "I never miss, Cupcake."

"Don't call me Cupcake," he says, but she ignores him, sweeping out the TARDIS doors and blowing the Doctor a kiss. The Doctor waltzes around the central console as he pushes them a week into the future and the Master goes up to join him, steadfastly ignoring that his knees are trembling ever so slightly. "The Song woman is going to kill you," he says after a moment. If he can drive a wedge between River and the Doctor he'll be able to escape, he thinks as he makes plans. He'll destroy their trust in each other, steal River's Vortex Manipulator, escape, lose himself in Time, and-

"What, again?" the Doctor asks, looking unconcerned as he pilots the TARDIS through the Void.

"Again?"

"Well she has sort-of killed me before," the Doctor says absently as he nudges the Master away to reach controls he's blocking. "Twice actually."

"She's killed you twice?" the Master demands, voice incredulous. If this is true then the Song woman has a higher success rate then he does and he _cannot_ stand the thought of that.

"Well no. Yes. Sort of. The first time she saved me after killing me and it was all a bit confusing what with Hitler killing her and the closet and Amy and Rory being right there when she kissed me what with her being their daughter and all."

He stares at the Doctor blankly.

"And the second time was a bit of a trick since I was a robot at the time and she was an astronaut and a picnic guest at the same time and shooting at herself with Winston Churchill in the pyramid and the wedding kiss." The Doctor pauses and grins. "Well, now that one was an alternate reality to remember!"

His mind is racing, trying to put together the pieces and stuck on a simple fact. "You've let her kill you _twice!_?"

"It's complicated," the Doctor says as the TARDIS lands with a thump. "So she's going to kill me a third time then? Well I suppose she'll have her reasons. And you know, this whole five minutes thing wasn't as bad as I thought it would be!" The TARDIS doors open. "Ah, just in time!"

River runs in. Her hair is longer than it should be for a week's worth of growth, her dress is torn and muddy, and she's panting, gun in each hand, as she slams the TARDIS doors shut. She grins up at them widely, her eyes dancing in delight as she holsters her guns. "Hello Sweetie!" she cooes.

"Oh dear," the Doctor mutters and the Master knows why. For the River Song sashaying her way towards them is not the River Song they dropped off.

"Who's your friend?" River asks.

The Doctor is aghast and speechless.

The Master gazes over at him, smirking. "You are the biggest idiot the universe has ever known."

The Doctor nods weakly. "I know."


	21. Bribery Works on Me

"River, what are you doing here?"

"Mother sent me to fetch you," the new Song woman says smiling widely. "Failure was not an option."

The Doctor sputters for a moment. "But what are you _doing_?" he finally demands, gesturing to her torn clothes and holstered guns. "Have you been asking Sontarians if they're out on hen nights again?"

If anything River's smile widens. "No, but that _does_ sound like fun."

As the Doctor's mouth snaps shut he decides to make his move. "River Song," he says taking her hand and bowing over it formally. "A pleasure to meet you. You may call me the Master."

River looks at him, startled, and laughs. She's younger than she was before, he realizes, though she doesn't look like she's aged a day. The idea intrigues him. How has she managed to get younger yet not age? He's close enough that he can inhale her scent fully but the information it provides puzzles him. She smells of human, but the distinct odor of the Vortex is there too. He's been around the Doctor's companions and smelled the Vortex on them before, but nothing like this. It's almost as if the Vortex itself runs through the Song woman's veins. "The Master? People actually call you that?"

He keeps his face carefully pleasant as he smiles back. "It is my name."

"I'm not calling you that," River says, taking her hand back and walking up to the TARDIS console.

"You can call me Harry then," the Master says, a hint of desperation in his voice. Time can be rewritten, he thinks, and he'd do anything to rewrite that horrible _name_ the Song woman calls him. "I go by that name sometimes."

"You don't look like a Harry to me," River says, musingly. "You look more like a-"

"Fairy cake?" the Doctor suggests innocently.

"Yes!" River laughs, clapping her hands together. "But what did we call them when I was in America? Cupcakes!" She turns to grin at him widely. "I'll call you Cupcake!"

The Master glares at the Doctor blankly. "The depth of my hatred for you grows day by day," he growls.

The Doctor grins at him and says nothing.

"Well now that that's settled we must be off!" River says cheerily, her hands reaching for the TARDIS controls.

"Off where?" the Doctor demands, reaching over to stop her. "And shouldn't we be comparing diaries?"

"Have you done our fourth Christmas yet?"

"No, but-"

"Then you're coming with me!" River laughs loudly.

They're dancing around the TARDIS together, one trying to send them into flight, the other one holding them back. "But River," the Doctor protests, "I can't take the Master to go see your parents!"

"Why not?" River laughs. "The more the merrier! And you don't want to know what Mummy suggested I do to you if you refused to come."

The TARDIS lurches sending him and the Doctor sprawling. River somehow keeps to her feet and, still laughing, lands them.

"There!" River says cheerfully. "Christmas 2016!"

"We have to go back. I haven't brought any presents!"

"Amy and Rory won't mind," River says, smiling. She bounds past them both to the TARDIS doors. "Now are you two coming or am I going to have to use force?"

The Doctor looks panicked for a moment before slumping in surrender. "We're coming, we're coming," he says. "Just- Go on ahead and tell Amy to set the table for one more for dinner."

"If you try and leave on me-"

"I won't," the Doctor promises. "Lord knows what you'd do to bring me back after all."

River smiles at them for a moment, suspicious, before opening the doors and stepping out. "You have ten minutes!" she says firmly, shutting the doors behind herself.

"Well she hasn't changed a bit," the Master grumbles to himself, dusting his pants off from his fall. It bothers him her lack of changing. Apes change constantly. Lucy was with him for a little over three years and she changed immensely during that time. Granted, it was from the little ape-girl he felt the fondness of a pet for to the ape-creature he could barely stand the sight of, but that was a large change. If anything, this younger River infuriates him less. Now does that mean he's getting used to her or that he's learned to forgive the young? He doesn't know which option is worse.

"What do you want?" the Doctor demands, grabbing his arm and pulling him so they're standing face-to-face.

For a moment he's flustered, his thoughts still on River. "What?"

"What do you want for-" the Doctor makes a little helpless gesture towards the door, "for not ruining Christmas? What do you want for it?"

His mind races. "Eternal freedom."

"No."

He wasn't expecting an agreement to that one. "Hour head start."

"No."

"Half hour head start."

"No."

"Five minute-"

"No."

"Well then what will you give me?"

The Doctor looks thoughtful for a moment. "I'll have the TARDIS put an attached library to your room with all the books you want in it."

The Master scoffs. "For spending an entire evening being pleasant to a group of _apes_? That'll only get you a pleasant greeting and through the front door."

"We won't force you to join us on the planets we visit or lock you into your room. AND," the Doctor says loudly before he can interject. "I'll make River stop drugging your food."

"She's been drugging my food_!_?" the Master shouts, eyes flashing to the door. All the potential good will towards this younger Song is lost. This isn't the right River but he can still make her _pay_.

"It was her turn to pick a cure," the Doctor mutters lowly, almost looking embarrassed.

"See that, _that_, is what I want changed," the Master snaps, eyes going back to face his oldest foe. "No more meddling. No more trying to 'fix' me. There's nothing wrong with me and nothing you can do will force me to conform to your ridiculous standards of behavior."

For a moment he thinks that the Doctor is going to protest, but instead the fellow Time Lord closes his eyes slowly and takes a deep breathe. "Fine," he says. "No more meddling, we'll leave you alone more, and you get your own library. In exchange, you have to be pleasant, polite, and as un-you as possible for the duration of the evening and Christmas morning. Deal?"

"I also want to rebuild my laser screwdriver."

"Sonic and I get to build it."

It's a better offer than he'd been expecting from an opportunity that he'd never saw coming. "Deal."

They shake hands on it.

"Alright then," the Doctor says a little more brightly as he spins towards the door. "Let's see what Amy's has for us."

The Master straightens his suit, smooths back his dark hair and follows him out. With his own screwdriver he'll be able to get through the security system on the TARDIS that's keeping him out, he thinks to himself. Once he has control of the TARDIS all he'll have to do is wait until the Doctor and Song woman leave and abandon them on whatever forsaken world they're visiting. After they're gone he'll have enough of a head start to dig in someplace and build up a power base. Not Earth this time, he thinks, Earth is too obvious now. But maybe he'll discover how River broke into the Time-Lock and pull a few other Time Lords from the destruction of Gallifrey. Raise up Rassilon again and kill him more slowly this time. Oooh, that could be fun!

The Doctor is babbling at his side again and he ignores him as he plots.

"And when I say be pleasant I really mean it," the Doctor is saying and is relieved when he notices that the Master is smiling already. "You already know how River can get, but you have to understand that she really is Amy's daughter and you really don't want to anger her either. She did kill a woman by allowing her to be slowly electrocuted to death after all, but that was probably less than she deserved. Oh! And be nice in front of Rory. He may seem like a pleasant and calm chap but he has a mean right hook, a sword upstairs, and the training to use it. Romans you know. Always excellent with the short sword and vicious fighters and Rory made it to Centurion so you know he knows how to fight. Heh. Rory Williams, Last Centurion… Bet he never thought his life was going to go that way when I popped out of that cake."

Looking back, the Master realizes he should have listened to the Doctor babble, but at this moment in time he doesn't care. After all, he has murder in his hearts and a free future mapped out in front of him and, for once, he's almost happy. But true happiness is always elusive to those that don't know what they have until it is gone.

* * *

><p><strong>AN: Just wondering, does anyone want a break down of the Christmas party itself or are we all so sick of Christmas still that we only want the aftermath? Suggestions welcome and thank you for reading!<strong>


	22. Tis the Season

AN: Sorry this is so late! I had been busy, but really that's no excuse since I wasn't so busy that I couldn't spare an hour or two to write. Honestly, this was a case of me knowing exactly what I wanted to do and how I wanted to write it and then being totally unable to write it the way I wanted. I also had quite a bit of trouble staying in my limited third person present tense writing. It's a bitch of a style! I may be changing it next chapter so I don't have to go back and pick through all my writing looking for mistakes and missing so many of them. Anywho, things should really be picking up again with more, shorter chapters so hopefully you'll forgive the wait!

* * *

><p>He is an expert at pretending to be human. After all, he does have the experience. Years and years of climbing his way into Earthy power had taught him the tips and techniques to blend in. It's a delicate art. Blending in enough to not incur suspicion, but being fabulous enough for the humans to recognize him as the superior being that he is. And if he'd flubbed it a bit in the past and someone figured it out, well, it was never anything that a quick hypnotism or murder couldn't solve and everyone does have a learning curve.<p>

So as he walks to the blue (_Ugh._) house with it's TARDIS blue front door (_By Rassilon, really?_) and its red car on the curb (_Small miracle, that is._) he thinks that this is going to be easy. But then again, he's never met the Ponds.

"Doctor!" a tall red headed woman shouts, bursting out of the front door and enveloping the Doctor in a massive hug. She hugs him as tightly as her pathetic human strength will allow, a grin splitting her young face.

Briefly, he wonders who she is. The Song woman had said something about Christmas with her parents, but this woman is far too young for that. Also, she's dressed too garishly. She's wearing a Christmas sweater too horribly ugly to comprehend and River has always dressed more elegantly then this. She's a cousin or something, he decides, and he wonders if this means that he can at least be rude to her. Making a cousin cry won't ruin Christmas so he's free to do that and still keep his deal.

"Pond!" the Doctor says, hugging her right back. After a moment, the Doctor holds at her arm's length and smiles. "Look at you, Pond! You're so- I mean you're- You look so-"

"If the next word out of your mouth isn't fit, skinny, or beautiful I will sic River on you so fast you won't have time to run," the woman says seriously, a smile still on her face.

"Nice!" the Doctor finishes lamely. "I was going to say that you look nice! You look very nice tonight, Pond. Why would you think I would say anything else? Doesn't she look nice?" This bit is directed at him but he chooses to ignore it and instead kicks at a bit of slush that might have once been snow. "You look nice."

The Pond woman rolls her eyes, and takes the Doctor by the arm. "So I put on a little weight," she sighs, sounding annoyed. "It's not like you can help it when you've-"

There's a crash, a shatter, and the sound of something rolling to a stop very slowly from inside. "I'm alright!" a male voice calls out from inside.

She smiles and rolls her eyes again. "That better not have been our good platter, Rory!" she shouts into the house then turns to smile at them. "I hope it was that god-awful platter," she confesses. "It was a wedding gift from Rory's Gran so I can't get rid of it, but it's the most awful looking thing ever. It's shaped like a rooster, Doctor, a rooster! Who wants to keep a platter shaped like a rooster?"

The Doctor says something kind and meaningless and he nods vaguely in keeping with the mantra of 'Be pleasant' he's repeating in his head to the beat of his missing drums. This is a mistake as it seems to bring the red head's attention to him finally.

She smiles at him wickedly, "Hello, you." The smile is one that he recognizes instantly as it's the same smile River wears when she's about to make his life even more miserable and it makes him reassess his theories. Is this woman River's sister? "We're to call you Cupcake, I hear?"

"My name is not Cupcake," he says firmly, frowning at her, remembering himself, and warping it into a twisted smile instead. "I am the Master."

"The Master?" the Pond woman says, her smile actually widening. She winks at him saucily. "Master of what, exactly?"

He almost replies 'of all,' but from inside the man's voice starts calling for her. "Amy? I think the turkey's done, but I'm not sure. The popper thing is all melty!"

Amy (_?_) smiles and shakes her head. "You make yourselves at home," she says escorting them in. "I think my man might be needing a wee bit of help."

He stares at her as she dashes off to the rear of the house, deeply puzzled. He had thought that River's mother was named Amy. This woman is far too young to have a daughter River's age. Does that mean that she doesn't age either? Who exactly are these people?

"There you are!" River calls from the front room. "I was beginning to worry that you two had gotten lost." The younger River is walking towards them now, all smiles and sways, and is that a baby she's holding in her arms? It's dressed in an especially ridiculous deer suit with a spot of bright red lipstick on its nose, it's hand shoved in its mouth, it stares at them both with very wide, very round, hazel eyes. The hair escaping from under its hood is brown and floppy and the thought that is threatening to enter his mind is too horrifying to comprehend so he goes straight to denial. "There's someone special who wants to meet you," River says softly, removing the baby's hand from it's mouth to wave it at the Doctor.

His oldest foe is gaping soundlessly at her, mouth hung open as he stares at her in shock. "River," he finally says, voice hoarse. "Where did you get a baby?"

River laughs. "Where do you think?" she says, winking suggestively.

The Doctor goes white as River laughs and puts the infant in his arms. "Say hello to Arthur, Doctor," she smiles.

"River, this is a baby," the Doctor says slowly, his eyes locked onto the child in horror. "A baby River. We can't have a baby! Not now! There's all the running and the danger and the explosions and we have the Master with us now and I - I haven't babyproofed the TARDIS! I don't even know if I can babyproof the TARDIS! We can't raise a baby in an un-babyproofed TARDIS! It's a death trap. All exposed wires and fiddly bits and Sexy will do her very best, but one day he'll put his finger in a socket he shouldn't and POOF! No more baby! And then what will we do, River? What will we do then_!_?"

"Well you can start by not letting him go poof and handing him back to his Daddy," a male voice says and the Master turns slightly to see a man with a nose too big for his face standing there.

"Daddy?" the Doctor asks, a look of bewilderment on his face. Then he seems to get it and visibly relaxes. "Oh thank goodness Rory, he's yours," he sighs out quickly, handing the baby over to the man. "I should have recognized the nose, the Roman stature…. Wait. Your baby? You and Amy got a baby? Rory, where did you get a baby from?"

The Master rolls his eyes and flops down onto the couch with a weary sigh. "You're such an idiot," he grumbles loudly, thankful beyond belief that no one seems to have noticed his minor panic attack when the Doctor was claiming the baby as his own. The idea of Doctor Spawn running free through the universe is truly too terrifying for words.

Rory, baby in arms, looks at him and smiles warmly. "Oh! Hello!" The smile suddenly falls as the human hesitates for a moment, staring at him in a way he finds quite particular before forcing a smile. "I'm Rory. You must be the Master of… Cupcakes?"

"Just the Master," he snaps at the same time River says, "Just call him Cupcake," and he throws up his hands in frustration. "Harold!" he finally shouts. "Call me Harold Saxon! Anything but that awful name!"

"Harold Saxon?" Rory asks, looking puzzled. "Like the Prime Minister?"

"Exactly like the Prime Minister," he snaps.

"I remember him. Didn't he die or something?"

"Something like that," the Doctor says, smiling brightly.

"I did die, yes," he says stiffly.

Rory stares at him for a long moment. "Oh no. No way. You're not telling me that our Prime Minister was some sort of alien, are you?"

"Timelord," he snaps just as the Doctor says, "Plenty of decent Prime Ministers have been aliens! Presidents too."

"It would just figure," Rory groans, shaking his head. "I voted for you too!"

"I didn't!" Amy says in a sing-song voice as she pops her head into the room. "Dinner's on the table so if you want some grub, come and get it!"

After that it's food and laughter and tubes of cardboard that must be pulled apart with the most dreadful cracking sound. He refuses to wear the paper hat, though when River begs and plops it onto his head he waits a moment for her to become distracted before pulling the garish pink thing off his head, crumpling it, and throwing it to the floor. The Doctor makes a show of picking up the paper garbage and ceremoniously double crowning himself.

"Not a fez, River," he says pointing to his crowns. "Not a fez or a stetson or even a proper hat, really. Can't shoot it off if it's not a proper hat!"

The table erupts into laughter and River collapses into the Doctor's side and kisses him firmly.

He has the uncomfortable feeling he's missed out on some sort of massive joke and, turning, grabs the bottle of wine off the sideboard and fills his glass. It's not very good wine, it's a bit on the cheap side, but it's alcoholic and if he's drinking it he doesn't have to participate in the conversation.

It works well.

Too well really.

"All agreed then?" Amy asks, a maniac look in her eye when he tunes back into the conversation.

"Yes!" River shouts grinning while the Doctor looks slightly dubious. Rory just seems resigned as he starts to gather the dirty dishes.

"But we outnumber you!" the Doctor protests weakly.

Amy smirks. "I don't think that's going to be an issue," she says, her voice deceptively sweet. She looks at him with a gleam in her eyes that he doesn't particularly like and he glares at her over his wine glass as his mind races.

What has he missed? What has his silence gotten him into?

Before he can put together the pieces they've all been herded back into the front room by an over eager Amy and Rory is, thankfully, refilling his wine glass as he claims the overstuffed armchair by the fire so he doesn't have to _touch_ anyone. Amy is grinning as she starts cutting paper into strips and Rory comes in holding two bowls and, _may the Rift take him_, Amy is starting to go over _rules_ and do these humans really expect him to _play a game_ with them? A game that doesn't involve them all dying horribly for his amusement? In desperation he leans over and grabs the nearest, thickest book he can reach from the small bookshelf against the wall and flips it open near the beginning and pretends to look engrossed before he can be sucked into their _madness_.

"Not playing?" Amy asks sweetly.

"No," he says shortly, turning a page.

"Come on now!" the Doctor immediately protests, smiling so wide he looks like a cat. "It's Christmas! You have to play charades at Christmas!"

"Oh, leave off, Doctor," Amy grins. "He doesn't have to play unless he wants to. Besides, now our teams are even!"

The Doctor is dangerously close to pouting. "But we have Arthur on our team," he says holding the infant up and waving his hand gently at its mother. "We still outnumber you with him on our side."

"Sweetie, Arthur can't talk. How can he play?" River asks in amusement.

The Doctor looks at her seriously. "I speak baby," he says just as Rory says, "No you don't."

Amy laughs at the dirty look the Doctor shoots her husband and hands out the bowls. "Alright boys, just try to stump us."

They split and begin whispering at each other and he can't help but overhear. It's not that he's interested, he just has an abnormally good sense of hearing is all. Rory is shooting down all of the Doctor's ideas ("You can't use that. You have to choose things that everyone's heard of and no one's heard of that." "But who _**hasn't**_ heard of 'The Doom of Altright Abbey_!_?' It's a _classic_!" "Yeah, when was it written?" "3042. Oh.") while River and Amy were conspiring towards victory ("We need more movie titles. The Doctor is rubbish at movies. He can't sit through them. Good thing I'm not a dinner and a movie sort of date." "Ooooh! Isn't there a movie called 'It's a Mad World or something?" "Yes! But there are four mads in the title." "'It's a Mad Mad Mad Mad World.' Ha! If the Doctor tries to act this one out, Rory will think he's just acting normal!"

He refuses to look interested as they exchange the strips of paper and Amy chooses one, leaping to the end of the room. He barely glances up as she begins to convulse, sticking out her tongue rapidly as she thrashes her hair around.

"Medusa Cascade," River says, smiling dryly.

"Foul!" the Doctor shouts, pointing accusingly at the blond woman. "She didn't even get around to miming the second word! How could you know what the second word would be if she didn't even get around to miming it yet?"

River smiles at him warmly. "I know you too well, Sweetie."

"Rules! There should be a rule against that!" the Doctor pouts, but hands the baby off to Rory as he leaps to his feet.

He looses attention after that, concentrating on savoring his remaining wine and not reading the horrible book he's chosen. It's a biography of a musician, a terrible waste of paper already, but the man had been peacefully against war and that truly was dull. The only redeeming factor seemed to be that he'd been brutally murdered on the street by a crazed fan and, well, he can relate to that feeling. After all, he's starting to feel it now.

The game seems to go on for hours, the group talking and laughing excitedly as they mime out increasingly ridiculous things. At some point Amy leaves to bring back more wine and no one seems to notice nor care when he claims the bottle as his own to refill his glass over and over. The Ponds have no taste in books, he decides as he flips through a book that seems to be about films of all things. With a roll of his eyes he drops the book next to all the others.

"Try this one," a voice says, a book entering his line of vision and he starts, realizing for the first time how quiet its gotten. The Doctor and the younger River are sound asleep on the couch, tangled together with the baby sprawled over the Doctor's chest and drooling. The Pond woman is gone and the man, Rory, is smiling at him a thick book held out in offering. It has a bow on the cover he realizes as he takes it from the human. It smells of must and dust and libraries dark and ancient, but his gaze stays fixed on the bow as his mind works too slowly to process what that could mean. "We figured you'd be done with the military history by now and be looking for something to replace it," Rory explains as he continues to stare at the bow. It is bright red and he's glad for that. "Amy and I only have access to the human poets, but we hope you'll enjoy it anyway."

Some part of him realizes that the man is waiting for a response but he can't tear his eyes off the bow. It's a present for someone, he decides and wonders why the human is giving him somebody else's present.

His silence has gone on for too long and the human fidgets, obviously uncomfortable as he continues to stare at the book. Finally, Rory smiles and stands. The human reaches out towards him but hesitates when he flinches away from him, the hand dropping back uselessly to the man's side. "Happy Christmas, Master," Rory finally says smiling at him in a way he finds madding and incomprehensible.

He watches the human pick up dirty glasses and go before turning his gaze back to the book. A Christmas present. He's just been given somebody else's Christmas present. But something feels off about that theory, something about the way Rory smiled at him, Amy's wink, and the way he's been left alone all evening that gives him pause. His eyes flick over to River and the Doctor and he's relieved to find them both sound asleep, the baby's sticky hand slowly making the journey upward to rest precariously close to the Doctor's open mouth.

For a last moment he stares at the offending bow, takes in the book title (_The Works of Lord Byron: Volume I_) and furtively opens the book. He flips through it listlessly until the title page where the inscription gives him pause.

'Happy Christmas Master!  
>Hope you like Byron since we got you the whole set!<br>Amy & Rory

P.S. Best that you don't mention this to the Doctor just yet. He's such a stickler for spoilers.'

He stares at the feminine, childish script and his hearts seem to have stopped beating. The Ponds know him. Knew him. This isn't their first meeting. They know him well enough to expect him to be here and to have gotten him a present. The book falls from his hands as he collapses forward to gasp against his knees. They know him. He knows the Doctor's humans. What could this mean? How could they have met before this event? _**Exactly how long is he going to travel with the Doctor?**_

In the distance there's a soft boom followed by a roaring explosion that sweeps up and over them, drowning out his panic and making his ears ring. Instantly he's on his feet, running towards the front door and the Doctor is at his side, River following with gun in one hand and wailing infant held close with the other.

"What was that_!_?" Amy shouts from behind them as they burst out the door and onto the street. "Doctor! Are we under attack?"

Outside, car alarms are raging. Sonic screwdriver in hand, the Doctor is scanning all around them but it's the sky above them that has his attention as Rory joins them outside, sword in hand. Briefly, he wonders why the human has a sword and why he'd run towards danger armed with one, but once he looks up that thought is forgotten. There's a ship blocking the sky, or at least the remains of one, flaming and dying while surrounded by a green energy field that pulses with every impact it takes. As he watches the ship breaks in half and seems to hover, suspended for a moment, before it shatters in another explosion that knocks them all off their feet and shatters every window on the street. He gasps in pain as he hits pavement, head knocking against the ground.

The energy field is holding the explosion in, he realizes, watching with watering eyes as he lays on the sidewalk. Its redirecting the explosion's energy, bouncing it back inside rather then letting it escape to flatten them all. It's brilliant, he thinks absently, rubbing his throbbing head. Brilliant, but failing. Cracks are forming, bright white against the pulsing green and even without a screwdriver he knows that the barrier doesn't have much longer before it fails. For a moment he thinks of the TARDIS and safety and moves to stand, but its too late. With a roar the energy field collapses, the top exploding off of it, releasing the pressure up and away from the city below. Dumbfounded, he watches as the explosion rages overhead as the bottom of the field holds, stronger than before now that the chaos and destruction of the exploding ship have somewhere to go.

The energy field glows a bright neon green, seems to contract for a moment then explodes outward scattering the ship's remains far and wide with a crack that rattles him down to his bones. Now they're in danger from debris he thinks, shakily getting to his feet to run, but when he glances up he sees that the ship has burned to nearly nothing and only ash seems to be raining down.

Rory groans from the pavement next to him. "Did we win?" he asks groggily, rubbing at his eyes.

"No," he replies watching the ash swirl and fall down towards them. "But we didn't loose either."

"What was that?" Amy asks, her voice shaky from the doorway.

River smiles and laughs unconvincingly. "Just the annual Christmas Invasion, Mummy. Looks like somebody else took care of things for the Doctor this year."

He rubs the back of his aching head as the ash slowly begins to coat the ground and more humans come toddling out of their homes to survey the wreckage and gasp over ash that falls like snow. He ignores them pointedly, looking up at the clearing sky and wonders who would take over the role of protector of the Earth when the Doctor was otherwise occupied. And then he wonders how he could get his hands on an energy field like that one and he smiles.


	23. Aftermath

AN: I have officially given up on using present tense. Frankly, it was a relief to write this chapter normally so I'll be sticking to past tense from now on! Thanks for reading!

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><p>He turned the book over and over in his hands, staring at the red bow blankly. The other six volumes of poetry sat at his feet and a new, bright red scarf was wrapped loosely around his neck. The carnage of opened presents was scattered around the room. Paper from the Doctor's over enthusiastic unwrapping was still stuck in the chandelier.<p>

Across from him, River was already wearing her god-awful Christmas sweater and smiling as she scraped thick helpings of jam across her toast. He could hear the Doctor and Rory in the back yard, the Doctor enthusiastically boasting on how much more exciting he could make little Arthur's toys if Rory would only _please, please, let him_ while Rory stated calmly over and over that Arthur didn't need a hover crib, thank you very much.

Amy plopped down into the seat next to him, plate heaped high with scrambled eggs and scraped some onto his plate. "Sleep well?" she asked cheerily.

"I didn't sleep," he said shortly.

"Oh, right," Amy said smiling. "Time Lords don't do the whole 'sleep' thing like us. I keep forgetting. What did you do all night then?"

He'd sat up staring at the book he still in his hands, reading and rereading the inscription and trying to puzzle out the meaning of it all. While River and the Doctor had bent heads together and talked lowly about the ship that had exploded and who it had belonged to and who could have destroyed it he'd slowly turned the pages, reading the text within and wondering what it all meant. He'd read the whining human's poems that moaned about love and sadness and despair as if a lowly human actually could know what true despair felt like. Never able to bring himself to do it, he'd held the pages between his fingers and envisioned himself ripping every page from its binding and using it to set a little fire to add to the thin covering of ash outside. Tentatively, he'd held the book to his nose, smelling the dust and mold and history it held.

"I wondered how you humans could spend so much time being asleep," he snapped crossly, carelessly dropping his book onto his lap and staring at the eggs. "I had forgotten how much you humans enjoy your unfertilized chicken fetuses."

Amy made a face at him, spitting out her bite of scrambled eggs. "Yuck," she muttered, eying her eggs wearily. "When you put it like that eating eggs seems disgusting."

"Everything you eat is disgusting."

"Sorry. Are you a vegetarian or something?"

"No," he said, stabbing the largest chunk of egg on his plate and popping it into his mouth. "I'm just saying that Earth food is simply disgusting."

River laughed. Amy rolled her eyes. From the front of the house now, the Doctor started shouting.

"My TARDIS!" came the yell.

River and Amy exchanged glances then bolted for the door. Sighing heavily, he finished his eggs before re-wrapping his scarf around his neck and slowly walking towards the door. Now what?

The Doctor was running around his TARDIS making horrified little gasping noises as River tried to soothe him. He rolled his eyes. Someone had covered the TARDIS, light to ground with toilet paper.

"It's just toilet paper, Sweetie, it's not like it can do any lasting damage," River said soothingly, trying to calm her beloved down.

"That's not the point, River!" the Doctor said, crossly. "The point is that this is _my TARDIS_ and look what someone _did _to her! A brilliant masterpiece of Gallifreyan engineering and someone _covered her in toilet paper!_"

"A quick trip through the Vortex and all of this will burn off," River continued.

The Doctor froze, thinking for a long moment. "Yes!" he shouted triumphantly. "A quick trip and things will be back to normal."

"Nothing is ever normal when you're around," the Master muttered under his breathe, but took that as his cue to quickly walk back into the house and grab his coat before the Doctor could take off. Who knew what sort of trip that idiot would consider to be 'quick' and he was rather fond of his coat. It was cashmere. And if he just happened to be in the house anyway he might was well pick up his stack of books and bring them with him. Worthless and insignificant as they may be if he brought them far enough into the future they might start to be trade-able for something more useful.

There was a moment of silence and then the Doctor began to shout again in earnest. Tucking the stack of books carefully into his pocket (bigger on the inside, of course) he walked to the door. Rory was coming back inside, baby in arms with an amused yet worried look on his face.

"Now what?" he demanded.

Rory smiled at him weakly. "They got the inside too."

"They got the- He _left it unlocked!_?" he shouted, rushing back outside.

Amy was giggling uncontrollably as she leaned against the TARDIS wall. River was standing just inside the TARDIS with a bemused smile on her face as she watched the Doctor rant and rave inside. "This is going to take hours to tidy up," she said cheerily in greeting as he stalked up.

"How did they even get in?" he growled, trying his best not to start yelling himself.

"The door was unlocked."

"That _**idiot**_."

"Yes, he is," River said smiling fondly. She let her gaze run over the toilet paper strewn interior once more and turned to face him fully. "They left a note," she said, handing him a folded sheet of paper as her grin widened. "I think I may have an admirer!"

He glared at her and snatched the note from her hand, flicking it open and running his eyes over the crudely written human script.

'Dear The Idiot, The Ego, and River Song,  
>Thanks for <em><span>nothing <span>_jerkwads!  
>P.S. Happy Christmas, River!'<p>

He stared at the note blankly, disgusted. "Who-"

"No idea!" River said brightly. "But it's going to be so much fun finding out!"


	24. Always Running

AN: Time for a short three part series over the next three days! I hope that everyone enjoys these and thank you all so much for your kind reviews!

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><p>They were <em>supposed<em> to go hunting down whoever had defaced the Doctor's precious TARDIS.

'Supposed to' being the operative words.

Instead they were running from Picts, furious, drunk, and blue (but thankfully not naked) Picts, with River leading the way while laughing her fool head off. He was lagging behind once more, _not_ _because he was having trouble keeping up_, but because the other two had gotten a head start. After all, how was he supposed to know that the idiot known as the Doctor would knock over the Picts' sacred statue, breaking it, then taking off running without a warning besides shouting '_RUN_!' as the natives transformed from cheerful to murderous? He'd barely had time to grab his scarf and a particularly fine drinking horn he'd been eyeing before the swords had come out.

"Do all of your stupid trips end this way?" he shouted, glaring at the Doctor's fleeing back.

"Only the best ones!" the Doctor shouted, and he can almost imagine the wide grin that's pasted on the idiot's face.

Shaking his head, he muttered curses under his breath as he continued to run. Really, is it too much to ask for a peaceful evening being fawned over by admittedly plain but surprisingly friendly tattooed women? Granted, they were human woman, but he had been willing to overlook that flaw until they'd all pulled suspiciously sharp looking daggers from the folds of their clothing. It was really too bad. He'd forgotten how much he'd missed the fawning.

But before they can reach the TARDIS the field surrounding them exploded into flames. Their pursuers skidded to a halt then turned to flee, not drunk enough to think they could take on the platoon of Sontarians that descend from the sky. He didn't really blame them. There were precious few capable of taking out a fully armored Sontarian platoon and somehow he didn't think steel and iron were going to be useful against plasma and laser rifles.

Chasing the Picts back to their wood walled village, he briefly wondered if this Sontarian group is part of the same clone group he'd betrayed and left for dead so many lifetimes ago.

"Surrender the Master," an angry voice bellowed over the field, "or die!"

_Damn_.

Well that answered that question.


	25. Revelations

AN: Part two of a three part mini series! Thank you so much for reading!

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><p>On his knees, laser rifle pressed to the back of his neck, the Master wondered exactly how far the Doctor would go to get him back. After all, if the situation was reversed (and he did so wish that it was reversed) he'd be enjoying the sudden peacefulness in his new TARDIS as he piloted his way somewhere warm and peaceful where he could take a lie back and intimidate a primitive race into doing his bidding.<p>

But he expected better of the Doctor.

The Doctor would most likely risk life and limb to get his _oldest _and_ dearest_ friend back. Of course whatever plan the Doctor's pitiful intellect could come up with would undoubtedly backfire leaving scads of humans, and hopefully River Song, dead but at least he would be safe.

"Alright, alright!" the Doctor shouted from the other side of the low earthen mound he was huddled behind. "You can keep him!"

He gaped at the mound. "_What!_?"

The Sontarians behind him barked with laughter as they stopped firing. "Lies! Do you honestly expect us to believe that the Doctor would abandon the Master to us so easily?"

"No, really, you can keep him!" the Doctor shouted, popping his head up so he could gaze across the field towards them. "Really, he's quite the bother. He's always cross and rude and he doesn't like Space Flordia. Who doesn't like Space Flordia_!_?"

His teeth are gritted so tightly his jaw aches and his fist is clenched so hard he can't stop it from trembling with barely pent up rage. "Anyone with an IQ higher than 50!" he bellowed back. A three fingered hand came down hard on his shoulder, holding him down and kneeling to stop him from dashing across the field and punching the Doctor on his idiot nose.

"You'd actually be doing me a favor," the Doctor said, standing up fully, not even seeming to notice how he was being glared at by Sontarian and Time Lord alike. "Big favor. Thank you. If there's anything I can do for you I'll return it. Only-" He paused, looking thoughtful for a moment. "Only, how did you know that the Master was alive in the first place? You see, the Master was dead. Well, stuck in a Time-Lock, but it was the end of the Time War which made him as good as dead. And since we fetched him out, I haven't been letting him wander about on his own. So how did you know he was with me?" The Doctor smiled at them with a grin that didn't reach his eyes. "Have you been _spying_ on me?"

The Sontarians stiffened with anger and their captain sputtered loudly. "Spying is a cowardly and honorable practice only fit for womenfolk and children. How dare you insult us in such a manner!" he shouted.

"Sorry, sorry!" the Doctor said, empty hands flying up as the Sontarian guns retrained on him. "Just curious is all! You know me. Curiosity killed the Doctor! But really. How did you know he was alive?"

"He destroyed our clone planet of Sontarus 54!" the captain shouted.

The Doctor's eyes darted down to meet his own. "Did you?"

"Of course not!" he protested instantly, mind racing. Had he? Rassilion, that would have been _lifetimes_ ago. How was he supposed to keep all of the destruction he'd caused straight?

"How do you know it was the Master?" the Doctor asked.

"He left a note-"

"That sounds like you."

"It does _not_ sound like me!"

"-gloating of his triumph and mocking the great Sontarian Empire for not being able to stop him."

"Alright, that does sound like me."

"Yes it does," the Doctor agreed, his eyes sad. "But you've been with me this whole time so it means that it wasn't you, but a future you that destroyed their world." His eyes went back to the short, baked potato men before him. "Sorry 'bout this, but you're going to have to give the Master up," he said brightly, smiling widely. "Can't be taking him before he's destroyed your clone planet! Paradoxes and all. I'll just be keeping a hold of him until it's time for you to collect him and –"

The Doctor barely had time to turn and dive back behind the mound before the Sontarians opened fire at him once more. "The Master shall reveal to us the location of his accomplice and pay for his crimes!"

Accomplice? What in the universe were the Sontarians going on about now?

"River!" the Doctor shouted loudly from his hiding place, distracting him from his thoughts. "The bomb, River!"

"On it!" River shouted back from surprising close by.

Bomb? There was a thud and his eyes darted to the left to see a large metal orb roll to a stop and begin to whine warningly.

_Shit._

"Plasma grenade!" the Sontarian captain shouted, releasing him as the gun moved away from his spine. "Scatter!"

What was the point of stopping him from being shot if they were just going to blow him up instead?, the Master wondered as he threw himself flat into the mud, covering his head with his hands. Instead of the wash of heat and shrapnel he expected, a hand grabbed him by the back of the shirt and hauled at him. "Come on!" River shouted. "Run!"

_A trick_, he thought and then he was being pulled to his feet, River's hand in his as she pulled him away.

"Trickery!" he heard the Sontarian captain bellow behind him as they ran for the forest tree line and cover. "River Song has tricked us! Eternal glory and honor for the one to kill her and bring me the Time Lady's head!"

He stumbled and nearly fell in shock. "Time_** Lady**!_?"

"Now's not the time for this," River growled, hauling him back upright. "Running now, the answering of questions you really should be clever enough to figure out on your own later."


	26. You Won't Remember This Either

AN: This came out a lot later than I hoped it would! Sorry for the wait and I hope everyone enjoys the dark conclusion to our three part miniseries! I'll admit, there is a two part epilogue to follow, but I'll get both pieces of that up tomorrow and they're both considerably shorter than the last couple of chapters. Thank you so much for all of your kind comments and reviews! I appreciate them so much.

Oh, and in case it wasn't clear, the River we have here is still the younger version of River who came and fetched the Doctor and Master for Christmas. The River who snagged the Master out of the Time-Lock is still waiting at Stormcage to be picked back up.

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><p>"Just regenerate already!" he snapped, staggering back to the TARDIS under River's dead weight.<p>

"I can't," River gasped from his back, one arm wrapped around his neck as he carried her while the other tried to staunch the blood flowing from her side.

He rolled his eyes. The Doctor is gone, lost somewhere in the forest leading the Sontarians off with some sort of fool 'plan' he'd come up with. River being injured had not been part of that plan. Him, being forced to carry River back to the TARDIS had most certainly _not_ been part of the plan either. River's blood was seeping into the back of his shirt, pooling and slowing starting to drip down his leg and he can't help but wonder how much blood she's lost already. He can smell the energy of the Void crackling beneath her skin as she struggles for breath. Why won't she just regenerate already?

"Don't be a fool," he growled. "At the rate you're losing blood you'll be dead before we can reach the TARDIS."

River murmmed something he wasn't able to catch.

"Look," he said with a sigh, not believing he was actually going to be forced to say this. "If you're worried, regeneration isn't as bad as you would expect. When it starts it feels like your body is being torn apart, atom by atom, but once it's all over you'll feel renewed and released."

He winced as River coughed. "It is a lovely feeling," she agreed. "I just don't have any lives left."

"What?" He jerked his head to the side to gape at her. That's impossible. He can see the youth in her eyes, the wonder and curiosity that dies with age and experience. "You're fourty-eight! How did you go through eleven regenerations in fourty-eight years?" he demanded.

"I'm a hundred and thirty-seven!" River protested weakly against him. "And I gave them up."

"That was foolish." Stopping for a moment he scanned the horizon around them. He still couldn't see the TARDIS. For that matter, he didn't even know if the TARDIS was still in the same place as where the Doctor had initially landed it near the Pict village. It could have been moved or stolen by the Sontarians or a hundred other different things that would make this effort entirely pointless.

But River's a Time Lord, part of his mind screams. Gallifrey's gone. It burned and died eons ago. So even though his every fiber tells him that this is the perfect time to flee, steal the TARDIS, and escape to the stars he also cannot stand the idea that he and the Doctor will be the last of the Time Lords again.

"Who did you give your lives to?" he asked as he started walking again, already knowing the answer. He needed to keep her talking.

"The Doctor," River muttered softly, head bumping against his shoulder. "He was dying. I had to save him and it was the only thing I could think of."

It's exactly what he had been expecting and yet her answer still shakes him to his core. He can't imagine it. Someone giving up their regenerations and future for another. Especially when the other was the Doctor. He sighed at her and shook his head. "What possessed you to go and do something stupid like that?"

"What can I say?" she said. She coughed harshly. "I love him."

He closed his eyes and counted to ten. "I hadn't realized that you were insane too." He can almost feel her smiling at him as he crested another hill and looked down to see the TARDIS sitting there below them. "Finally!" he growled, hurrying now that the end was in sight.

The TARDIS doors were locked.

He swore, loudly, and barely resisted the urge to stomp his feet. "Of course they're locked," he nearly shouted. He glanced behind them almost expecting to find the Doctor fleeing towards them, Sontarians at his back and found the hill behind them depressingly bare. At the rate River continued to bleed he didn't know if they could wait for the idiot to finally show up.

"Use the spare," River muttered into his neck.

"What spare?"

"He keeps a spare in a secret compartment above the door."

He stared at the TARDIS blankly. "You cannot be serious."

"It's in a cubby above the 'P.'"

He rolled his eyes, bending down to let River slide off his back. "If I had known that," he growled, reaching up to fumble along the TARDIS's trim, "breaking into this antique would have been so much easier."

River laughed at him weakly. "This is why the Doctor warned me not to tell you anything."

"Did he now?" His fingers closed around the key and he pulled it out, glaring at it darkly. "What else has he told you about me?"

"He said that you're a baaaaad man," River slurred. "And that you escaped a Time-Lock which isn't possible."

"I didn't escape it," he sighed, swinging both of the TARDIS' doors open wide. "You pulled me from it."

River gasped in fake shock. "Naughty Master!" she scolded lightly. "That's spoilers."

"Well here's another one for you," he growled, turning back to her. Now that he's finally looking at her, she looks worse than he had imagined. The front of her shirt was saturated with blood and her face was ashen and grey from the blood loss. She looked up at him with dull eyes, waiting for him to continue and for a moment he struggled to swallow the lump that had appeared in his throat. "You're not going to die."

She smiled at him weakly. "Time can be rewritten."

"Parts of it shouldn't be," he snapped, bending down to pick her up. Kneeling, he grabbed her arm and hauled her up and over his shoulder, ignoring her loud gasp of pain as he moved her. "Besides, your saving me is a fixed point in time."

"How do you know?"

"Because I say so. _Med-Bay!_" he said, shouting the last words as he ascended the ridiculous stairway towards the central console. He knew without trying that the TARDIS would electrocute him rather than let him fly her and while he could probably work around that it would take him too long. Instead he wrenched open the first door he came across and was pleased to find it was now the Med-Bay instead of the shoe closet it had been previously. At least the _TARDIS_ knew what to do during a medical emergency.

Unceremoniously, he dropped River onto the narrow examination table and immediately went to the cabinets, throwing them open and rummaging about inside. While the room itself looked like it was from Earth's 60s the equipment inside was at least partly modern. He grabbed a bottle of anesthetic from the cabinets and found the needles in a drawer next to the sink. Bandages and a suturing laser were by the door while the imaging pad and UV disinfector were tucked away behind a plastic model of a human brain. Putting all those things and anything else he could think of that would be useful onto a tray next to the table, he hauled a stool over to the examination table and sat.

"Pull up your shirt," he ordered, taking a needle and filling it with anesthetic.

River stared at him wearily. "Do you even know what you're doing?" she asked, hands shaking as she pulled her shirt up and away from the wound at her side.

He flicked the needle with his nails, forcing the air bubbles to the top and squeezed the plunger, forcing them out. "Of course I know what I'm doing," he said shortly. River's blood had congealed keeping the shirt stuck to her body so he grabbed a scalpel and cut the fabric away from her side instead. A fresh roll of blood welled up as he pulled the fabric away as River winced. "At the Academy I originally studied to become a doctor," he said as River continued to look worried. She needed a transfusion and somehow he doubted the TARDIS kept Time Lord plasma just sitting around waiting for an emergency. They were going to have to do without and hope for the best. Compression pads would temporarily stop the bleeding, and he carefully placed them over the wound making sure they properly fused to her skin before reaching for the imaging pad.

"You wanted to be a doctor?" River asked, smiling. "Why?"

"My mother was one. At the time I thought that it would be a suitable profession." He held the imaging pad above her body and flicked through the settings, ignoring the blood he was smearing all over its surface.

"What changed your mind?"

"My father pointed out that my skill set was better suited for engineering." The shot had gone straight through her and didn't seem to have nicked any of her major organs. A bit of luck at last. He tossed down the pad and rolled up his sleeves, grabbing up the needle. "Then the drums were put into my head and I saw no reason to become a doctor anymore."

River winced as the needle pierced her skin, biting her bottom lip. "So the Master wanted to be a doctor and the Doctor wanted to be superhero," she said shakily.

His lip twitched, remember long nights huddled under the blankets with Theta, a stack of human comic books stacked between them as his childhood friend enthused about the merits of one fictional hero versus another. "What he really wanted to be was human," he said softly, taking up the suturing laser and fiddling with it absently.

"Is being human really so bad?"

He looked at her flatly, daring her to challenge his unspoken answer, and her smile widened. "For him it was probably the best choice," he sighed, watching River's eyes glaze over as the anesthesia crept over her. "Time Lord society would have destroyed him. It's no wonder he went rogue and ran."

"Why didn't you go with him?" River asked sleepily, struggling against the power of the drugs that ran through her system.

He shrugged. "I was immersed in politics at the time. When I finally got to running the Doctor was long gone and would never have let me onto his TARDIS even if I had managed to catch up."

"Why? What happened?" She was almost gone now. Just a bit longer.

"I murdered my father."

River blinked at him and for a moment he thought she had gone under. "Did he deserve it?"

There was no hesitation to his answer. "Yes."

Licking her lips slowly, River frowned weakly. "You're being surprisingly honest," she slurred sleepily. "Why are you being so honest? Am I going to remember any of this when I wake up?"

"Not a bit of it," he said with his last bit of honestly, putting on imaging glasses and flicking the suturing laser on. He leaned forward as River's eyes slid shut, pulling back the first compression pad. It was slow work, coaxing blood vessels back together and suturing them back together. He had to stop several times, hands trembling from the stress of making such tiny movements.

He was barely halfway done when he heard the TARDIS doors slam open then shut. Gritting his teeth, he mentally cursed the Doctor for being so late. If he'd made it back earlier they would be at a hospital better equipped for dealing with this rather than coping with substandard materials.

There was dead silence from the main TARDIS and for a moment the Master thought he must have imagined the sound of the TARDIS doors opening. "River?" the Doctor's voice called shakily from the main console room. "Master?"

"In here!" he shouted, not even bothering to glance over his shoulder. He tweaked the imaging glasses, re-zooming them to a particularly large vessel still oozing blood.

Almost instantly the Doctor was in the doorway, face ashen as he hurried inside. "What happened?" he demanded running over to River's side. "There was blood all the way down the hill and on the door and up the stairs and – Oh, _River_ what happened to you?"

"She was shot," he snapped slapping the Doctor's hands away from touching her. "Don't move her. I'm working."

"You're not a doctor!" the Doctor protested, jumping back a step.

"Neither are _you_. Besides, it's the same principle as soldering."

Before the Doctor could protest once more the entire TARDIS lurched. Cursing, both Time Lords reached for River, stopping her from rolling off the table and another impact shook the TARDIS.

"The Sontarians found us!"

"Get us _out_ of here you idiot!" he shouted as the Doctor ran from the room. Another lurch and the TARDIS began to shake as they entered the Void. "Stabilizers _**on**_, parking break _**off**_!" he bellowed down the stairs. He sighed with annoyance as the TARDIS stilled, flipping the suturing laser back on as he went back to work.

"She should be in a hospital. Why haven't you taken her to a hospital?" the Doctor fretted, bursting back into the room.

"If I could fly your ridiculous hunk of space junk I would have left you behind and she would be," he growled in reply. "Now stop bothering me! I have to concentrate."

He was surprised when the Doctor listened. More surprised when the Doctor silently took a seat on River's other side, gently holding her hand and occasionally stoking back her hair without saying another word. With no further interruptions the work went quickly and his shoulders sagged as he placed a compression pad over the closed wound.

"Help me roll her over," he said shortly and the Doctor did, not saying a word as he helped turn River over so he could reach the other side of the bullet hole. He'd managed to reach most of the severed blood vessels from the front so it took much less until the wound was closed with another compression pad fused to her skin. "Get her sitting up," he ordered, hands trembling as he reached for the bandages.

"What more can we do?" the Doctor asked softly as together they wrapped the bandages around her, making sure the compression pads stayed in place.

"Do you have plasma sitting around we can use on her?"

The Doctor looked thoughtful for a moment before shaking his head. "No. I don't even know what would work for River. Her parents are human but-"

"But human blood would kill a Time Lord," he finished, closing his eyes with exhaustion. "No hospital this side of the Time-Lock would have the right plasma either."

"Then what do we do?"

He sighed deeply. "We force her to rest and give her protein and fluids whenever she wakes and hope that she didn't lose enough blood to kill her," he said, taking off the imaging glasses and tossing them carelessly onto the medical tray. His hands were trembling like leaves he realized absently, forcing them down onto his knees to stop their shaking. "Do you think you can handle that much on your own?"

The Doctor was looking at him strangely. There was a look in his eyes that he didn't recognize as the other Time Lord held River's hand, stroking it absently. "I can."

"Then I'm going to go change and wash up," he said, standing abruptly. His legs were trembling too, he noticed, annoyed with his own failings. Stiffly, so the Doctor wouldn't notice his shaking limbs, he walked to the door.

"Master," the Doctor said as he reached the doorway.

He hesitated. "What?"

"Thank you. For saving River. You didn't have to do it."

"Of course I did," he said before he could stop himself then mentally cursed as the Doctor's face lit up with a smile. "If she died, living with you would become even more unbearable," he snapped poisonously and left before the Doctor could come up with any more fool ideas.

His door had moved to be across the hall, a fact he was profoundly grateful for, and it swung open invitingly as he staggered towards it. The fire was roaring even hotter and higher than usual in the fireplace, warming the room pleasantly as he slowly kicked off his shoes. Not even bothering to strip off his blood soaked clothing he collapsed onto his bed, falling asleep as soon as his head hit his pillow.


	27. The Doctor's Song

AN: First part of the two part epilogue!I have a feeling that there's several canon errors in this, but I tried to get my version of the Master's backstory intertwined with what the novels and radio plays have teased out as much as possible. Enjoy!

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><p>The Doctor hated waiting. He hated it when he was forced into watching time go normally, the seconds flowing into minutes and hours without a break or a pop over to something more exciting or a jump ahead to get to the good bits. All of time and space was his playground and he'd become spoiled with the adventures he found and created for himself.<p>

But with River Song's hot hand in his own he found himself hoping that, for once, time would go _slower _instead.

He'd watched her die. Handcuffed to safety he'd watched, powerless, as his mad, bad, _brilliant_ River died for him rather than face a lifetime without him. He'd watched her die and he hadn't known how special she was and how much she'd mean to him in the future. He's come to crave the moments when they run together. Come to look for her messages and her sly winks summoning him to her like an addict searching for his next fix. And for a moment, one horrible moment that felt like it stretched to eternity he'd thought that all of those future journeys had been taken from him. Time could be rewritten after all. Even when you desperately didn't want to unwrite a single instant of it.

He pressed a kiss to River's hand, squeezing it tightly as he waited for her to wake.

The Master had saved River. A smile tugged at his lips and he let it bloom until he was grinning like a mad man holding River's hand. His Master. His Koschei who'd run and lost himself again and again until even _he_ had thought that his childhood companion was lost forever. He could still remember their early days at the Academy before Koschei's headaches had started and his personality had changed. His Koschei who was always so openly scornful and aloof when they planned their adventures but who'd ran and laughed with him and spoke of his dreams in those quiet moments they had found underneath their favorite tree alone. Koschei who was going to be a doctor, he remembered, the best doctor. A doctor who could heal the universe. He was going to find a way to right every wrong committed and fix everything so that no one would be hurt or suffer or cry alone ever again.

Koschei with fire in his eyes as they sucked on candies from Earth and stared up into the sky.

Koschei with dull eyes as he came back from a visit from home, eyes that wouldn't meet his when he ran up to greet his friend.

Times hadn't been the same under their tree after that and even though he didn't know it then, their peaceful times were about to be gone forever. His changed Koschei who refused to try another human treat and claimed that Time Lords couldn't be troubled with the foods of lesser species. The different Koschei who told him that becoming a doctor was a foolish idea, a folly of youth. It was engineering that was his future. Engineering and politics and a place on the Council and really, Earth was so backwards, so uncivilized, why would they ever want to go?

It had all been downhill from there.

Of course there had been moments after that when he'd thought that their friendship was going to last until the stars turned to dust. There was their time together in the Deca and the practical jokes they played together and the ridiculous band he'd forced them to start with Koschei playing the drums far better than either of them had expected. There were still moments under the tree but they became fewer and fewer as the presence of Torvic loomed darker and more dangerous in Koschei's life. And then it had all fallen to pieces. He killed Torvic and Koschei never fully forgave him for not letting him deal with his own problems and then they had their falling out. He'd started running soon after that. With a TARDIS that should have been in a museum and a healthy disregard for the rules he'd run and seen the universe and reached out to capture his dreams.

And then there was Ailla. A planet destroyed in desperation for a woman who had been a lie.

There had been no more hope for a friendship after that.

River stirred and he banished all thoughts of painful memories and long past mistakes to squeeze her hand tightly as her eyes slowly fluttered open. Her eyes were cloudy, fogged from the drugs and the pain but that didn't matter a bit to him. All the mattered was when her eyes met him they warmed and a smile still crossed her face at the sight of him.

"Hello Sweetie," River sighed, her voice rough.

"Hello River," he said, bringing her hand to his mouth to kiss it again.

"I hope," River started then paused to lick her dry lips. "I hope I haven't kept you waiting long."

Her hand wasn't enough. Standing up he moved and kissed her on the lips, hoping that the gentle touch would tell her all that she would ever need to know about how he felt about her. But just in case; "River, I would wait an eternity just to hear your voice and have you smile at me once again."

Her smile widened, obviously pleased with his words. "And how long would you wait for a kiss?" she teased softly, hand coming up to cup his cheek.

"I'd wait from the start of the universe to the end just on the promise of one."

"That sounds too long," River smiled. "Kiss me now instead."

He grinned at her. And he did.


	28. They Follow Me Wherever I Go

AN: The second part of our epilogue! I'm not quite sure when the next part of our adventure will come out. Tomorrow or Tuesday hopefully, but it may be as late as Wednesday! In any case, I hope you enjoy the end of this mini-saga and tune in next time for unconnected random short adventures! Thank you again for reading and for all of your kind reviews!

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><p>The clock on his mantle mocked him as he stared at it, disbelieving. Five hours. How had he managed to actually sleep for five<em> hours<em>? The last time he'd actually slept for longer than an hour he'd been a human known as Yana and, really, he'd rather not remember that particular low point of his life.

Groaning, he sat up and surveyed the damage to his clothing and his bed. Falling asleep without cleaning up first had seemed like such a good idea at the time, but now everything he had come to think of as his own was stained with dried browned blood. Bloody brown footprints smeared his floor, his sheets looked like they had been used to wipe up a murder scene, and even his pillow had a blurry brown handprint where his bloody hand had come to clutch it as he'd slept.

His ridiculous red scarf was ruined. Stiff with dried blood, he unwound it from his neck and stared at it balefully. _Good riddance_, he thought to himself, but found himself carefully folding it anyway. Gently, he laid it on his end table and allowed his fingers to ghost over it, touching the softness of the undamaged parts of it.

The TARDIS had transformed his bathroom while he had slept, changing it from turn of the 21st century Earth to something entirely modern. It was a change that was much appreciated as he carelessly tossed his ruined clothing in the general direction of the hamper and stepped into the unending stream of hot water that was now his shower. He had over a million different flavors of scented soap and shampoo now, he mused eyeing the digital display with mounting concern. Picking one at random, but noting the name included lavender, he was somehow not surprised when the soap that emerged smelled like books bound in leather and sandalwood instead.

His clothes were gone when he emerged and the towel he wrapped around himself was softer than fur and pre-warmed. His closet doors were already opened for him, displaying a selection of clothing far greater than he'd managed to acquire during his short time here.

The TARDIS was spoiling him.

He didn't like it.

Dressed, brushed, shaved, and finally clean he emerged from the bathroom to find his sheets made and clean and the floor freshly scrubbed. A red scarf hung over the back of his chair and he picked it up, bringing it to his nose and smelling it carefully. It smelled of Earth and him and time and blood. It was his ridiculous gift all right, perfectly cleaned without a stain in sight. He eyed it wearily then slowly wrapped it back around his neck despite the room being technically too warm to need it.

A short table with a vase of flowers on it had appeared next to his door, red roses overflowing out of blue china vase. "I don't like roses," he said carefully, looking away. When he looked back they had been replaced by pink lilies. "Nor those." Another glance and the vase was gone and an orchid was there instead, a branch of bright red flowers waiting for his approval. He crossed over to it, touching the rubbery blooms and briefly wondered if everything he owned was going to be dominated by red now.

A tray sat underneath the orchid's flowers, a short black box with a card on top of it being the only thing there. 'Thank you,' the card said when he flicked it open, the Doctor's handwriting as impossibly messy as always and he tossed the card into the fireplace as he sat in his chair with the box itself. He had a feeling he knew what was inside the only remaining question being what color. Yes, it was red. The handle and tip of the sonic, not laser, screwdriver was the same bright and cheery shade as his scarf and the orchids on the table.

He blamed the Ponds for this. Before them he'd always been partial to black and gold, noble colors, but now this red was being forced upon him. He flipped through the sonic screwdriver's settings, there were too few of them, and sighed, placing the device inside his interior coat pocket. Then again, he thought musingly, there were worse colors.

A table had appeared at the side of his chair, a full glass of wine and a decanter of more sitting on it with his book, red bow still attached, waiting for him. He picked it up, sipping the wine slowly as he flipped open the book at random to read.

_Oh, Friend! for ever lov'd, for ever dear! _

He snapped the book shut with a flourish and unceremoniously tossed it behind him to crash into the wall. Unwinding the scarf from his neck he tossed that to the bed and stalked from the room to make sure the Doctor hadn't done something stupid and let River die and to get something to eat. A stack of bright red apples caught his eye as he walked past the kitchen and he rolled his eyes. Something that _wasn't_ red.


	29. Amelia Earhart

AN: I was going to have them be resting and recuperating from their last trip, but writing those sorts of scenes are boring and probably no better to read. So we're back to having fun times now! Thank you again for reading everyone and for all of your kind reviews! The next chapter will probably be up sometime late tomorrow or early Thursday depending on how long it takes me to shove everything needed into it. I promise it's going to be a long one! Enjoy!

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><p>"I," River announced loudly, opening the door to his chambers without a knock or even a hello to give him warning, "am bored."<p>

Halfway through 'modifying' his sonic screwdriver to make it a little less sonic and a little more laser he glared at her. "Don't you know how to knock?" he snapped, casually setting aside his tools on the off chance that the pouting woman in his doorway didn't recognize exactly what he was working on.

"No," River sighed, brazenly walking into his room and sitting down in his armchair. "I don't have the strength to knock, I'm so bored."

With the last of his tools tucked away, he slide his screwdriver back up his sleeve and turned to face her. "So you came to bother me rather than going and bothering the one who could actually do something about this life-threatening boredom you're suffering from?"

"The Doctor says I'm _recovering_ and that until I'm better we'll have to have a bit more downtime than usual," River nearly moaned, kicking her legs up over his chair's armrest and swooning back dramatically.

"You nearly died."

"Oh, don't go acting like _him_ now. Besides, I don't think I can take much more of this. I travel with the Doctor for the running, not the sitting about!"

He rolled his eyes at her. "Did you come to me because you expect me to change the Doctor's mind? You know how much he listens to me."

"He listens to you more than you think," River sighed wearily. "And I came to you because I was going to see if you fancied sneaking out for a bit of fun on the town." She grinned at him widely, holding up her wrist to show him the ugly bit of machinery strapped there. "Vortex Manipulator. We could pop out for a bit and be back before the Doctor even realizes we're gone!"

He stared at her blankly. Ah, so that was the Doctor's new plan. "You cannot _possibly_ think I'm that stupid," he growled lowly, grabbing her legs and pulling her back up to a proper sitting position. "_Go_. Tell the Doctor that his little schemes to slip me up just so he can punish me are _juvenile_ and that even a blind Arvox could see through them."

River looked at him blankly. "What are you on now? What schemes?"

"Oh, _please_. Do you honestly expect me to believe that _you_ came here just to ask _me_ if I'd go out and break all of the Doctor's precious _rules_ on a lark?"

"If you were listening, I said I _was_ going to see if you'd like to go pop out with me for a bit," River said forcefully, her voice beginning to rise. "But if you're going to be like this I won't ask you at all."

"Good," he snapped at her. "Get out."

"I will," River sniffled, leaping to her feet and heading for the door. "I'll just go and bother the Doctor again, shall I? I'm sure he'll be ever so _interested_ to find out what you're working on when you're all by your lonesome in here."

So she had recognized what he'd been working on. With a curse, he reached out and grabbed her arm before she could leave, pulling her back into his room. Eyeing her smug face wearily, he mentally counted to ten before he trusted himself to speak. "What do you want?"

"I want a bit of company on an adventure. Are you coming, or do I go tell the Doctor how you're messing about with your sonic just like you promised you wouldn't?"

"Are you blackmailing me?"

"Are you making modifications to your sonic that you shouldn't be?"

They stared at each other for a long moment, each willing the other to back down and give up. To his lasting horror, he caved first. Throwing his arms up in frustration with a shouted "Fine!", he released her to grab his scarf and haphazardly wrap it around his neck. "I'm disappointed in you River Song," he growled, glaring at her accusingly. "Blackmail and breaking the Doctor's rules? You're supposed to be one of the _good_ ones."

River laughed at him merrily. "_Hardly_! Don't you know what I went to prison for?"

"For murdering the Doctor," he muttered, grabbing his tool kit on the off chance it would be useful and shoving it into his coat pocket. "Your equally smug future self told me that."

"Oh, future River spoils all of my fun," River pouted, eyes still twinkling with delight. "Shall we then?"

"Where are you even taking me?" he asked, taking her offered arm in his and holding on tightly. The last thing he wanted was to get separated from her while traveling through the Void and be stuck in nothingness for all of eternity.

"I've always wondered what happened to Amelia Earhart during her trip around the globe. I thought we could pop by and see what made the poor darling crash."

He stared down at her blankly. "Who?"

River's reply was swallowed by the roar of the Vortex as they were whisked through time and space towards their destination. And then there was no more time for questions after that. Running from Daleks took precedence.


	30. The Future Reflected in Your Eyes

AN: This came out a lot shorter than I had originally intended, partly because I had an absolutely miserable day that needed me pampering to rectify and partly because I realized that there was a logical pausing point and decided to take it. The good news is that this means the next chapter is already half written! The bad news is that you're not getting it until tomorrow! Muahahahahaha! As always, thank you for reading and for all your kind reviews! I hope you enjoy this chapter!

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><p>Running and hiding from Daleks was not cowardice, it was a survival skill, he told himself pressing himself deeper into the shadows as he tried to control his frantic breathing.<p>

Where was River? He remembered their arms interlocked as they traveled through the Vortex together, the bounce of her curls as they landed, and how she had stiffened with terror as they materialized to find themselves standing before a group of Daleks. They'd leapt apart as the Daleks trained their eyestalks upon them, River drawing her gun and shouting "_Scatter!_" as she opened fire to give them the cover they needed to get away. Then it was all a blur. Running with his hearts pounding in his ears, he had fled for his life with little notice or care where he was going so long as it was _away_ from the creatures who shot and mechanically screamed "EXTERMINATE!" at him.

Knees to his chest, he buried his face in his arms and concentrated on breathing in and out slowly, failing miserably. He had gotten separated from River somewhere along that mad dash for safety. A Dalek had emerged from a side corridor as he passed it, blocking River's path. Sliding to a halt, she'd called out for him to help. She'd shouted his name, actually calling him 'Master' rather his ridiculous pet name and he had turned, automatically pulling his sonic screwdriver from his sleeve as he did so.

He had tried to help. He truly had.

He never should have started modifying the ridiculous piece of tech. It had exploded in his hands, sparks flying, as soon as he'd pressed the button to activate it. Dropping it with a shout he'd only been able to watch in horror as River fled down a side hall, the majority of the Daleks hot on her heels. He'd been forced back into running with that. While the Daleks seemed to consider River Song the bigger threat they didn't seem to have any interest in leaving him alone and he had to turn and run or die.

It was luck that he'd found this room unlocked and had managed to get inside and hidden before the Daleks had caught up to him. Luck, that it seemed to be some sort of unused stasis chamber full of large machinery perfect for hiding his heat signature from Dalek eyestalks. Yet for some reason he didn't feel lucky.

He didn't know where River was. River had the Vortex Manipulator, their only chance of getting out of this mess alive, still on her wrist. He needed to find her, needed her to get them out of here, but for some reason his legs didn't seem to be working anymore.

In his mind Gallifrey was burning. Daleks flew through the air raining death and fire from the skies, incinerating the only place he'd ever thought of as home. He'd thought they were all dead. He'd thought the Doctor had destroyed them all. Hadn't that been the reason the Doctor had ended the war the way he did? Wasn't that the deal that had been struck? The sacrifice that had been made? No more Gallifrey, the silver trees of his childhood gone forever, but the horror of the Daleks gone as well?

How could the Daleks still be in a universe where Gallifrey had been burned to ashes?

Huddled in the corner of an unused stasis chamber, deep within the belly of a Dalek Battle Cruiser, the Time Lord known as the Master was frozen, locked into the horrors of his memories as their bloody scenes played out endlessly in his mind. Halfway across the same Battle Cruiser, now panting heavily, the woman who at this time preferred to go by River Song was beginning to falter. Her gun was almost out of charge and it seemed to her that with every Dalek she managed to kill, two more took its place. Plus, expert battle training or no, getting a perfect shot up the eyestalk was _bloody hard_ when she was trying to run at the same time.

Where the devil was the Master? She was half tempted to simply use her Vortex Manipulator to escape and come back for him later but she wasn't quite sure if she could. She didn't know why they were here rather than Papua New Guinea watching Earhart's Electra take-off in the first place. And if she went back to the Doctor without his dearest friend, well, she didn't think that he would ever forgive her for the Master's loss.

So caught up in her thoughts and running, she didn't even notice the arm that darted out at her until it had grabbed her and hauled her into a side hallway. She raised her gun, but recognized a human face just in time to avoid shooting it right between the eyes. It was a man. Tall, dark hair, angular jaw, really not all that bad looking (she wouldn't have protested if her beloved's next regeneration adopted that nose) who glared at her quite fiercely with grey eyes.

Tossing something down the hallway from whence he'd pulled her, he turned to her, tackling her to the ground with a shouted "Get _down_!" before he had the decency to even offer her his name. She was about to protest his forwardness with a good hard knee to the groin when the explosion came, heat and fire washing over them as parts of Daleks went flying. Then he was pulling her back to her feet, his hand gripping hers tightly as he pulled her down the hall. "Base, this is M," he said, reaching up to touch his earpiece. "I've collected the Hair. Get me a clear path to the rendezvous point."

"The Hair?" River said, voice flat with annoyance as she pulled her hand out of his. "Is that supposed to be referring to me?"

The man hesitated for an instant, glancing back over his shoulder at her with a smirk on his face. "It's better than your original codename. The Idiot originally had us calling you Mrs. Robinson."

To his credit, he didn't even blink as she leveled her laser pistol at him, instead adopting an amused look as she aimed for the space between his eyes. "Normally, I'm the sort of girl who's thankful to receive a hand," River said, smiling widely at him as she pointedly clicked the safety of her gun off. "But this is a Dalek ship and you most certainly shouldn't be here. Now, who are you and what do you want with me?"

The man's ever present smirk widened as he casually shoved his hands deep into his black, wool trenchcoat pockets. "What I want," he said, smirk becoming dangerously close to expanding to a full smile, "is to get you to the rendezvous point and away before the _idiot_ in the engine room blows us all into atoms. Who I am doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," River said darkly, gun still unwavering as she pointed it at him. "You don't know the sort of people who are after sweet little me."

"Yes, yes," the man said, waving his hand dismissively. "The Silence and that Kovarian woman with her ridiculous eyepatch and all."

She swallowed heavily. "How do you-"

"Doesn't matter," the man interrupted, taking a step towards her. "Just like it doesn't matter what I'd like you to call me as you'll just decide to rename me something _infuriating_ and ignore my every protest." With a flourish, he pulled something long and red out of his pocket and wrapped it loosely around his neck.

She stared at him, jaw dropping involuntarily as she lowered her gun. "Cupcake?" she asked incredulously. Her eyes scanned him in slight panic as she took in his changed appearance. "Is that really you? You've regenerated!"

He rolled his eyes at her and sighed in annoyance. "I didn't believe it possible, but you're stupider young," he said dryly, taking off the scarf and carefully tucking it back into his pocket. "Now come along, Song. We have to be going before things start really getting strange."


	31. Offending My Delicate Sensibilities

AN: As good an ending place as any. I'm going to be moving tomorrow so I'm not quite sure when I'll be getting the next chapter up. Hopefully Monday or Tuesday but depending on how long it takes me to get everything set back up it may be later. As a reference, I totally picture Kitty speaking like a more thoughtful Harley Quinn though when I tried to write that accent in it was terrible. So picture what you will, but that was what my original intention was. As always, thank you all so much for reading and for your kind reviews! I'll see you sometime next week with the next chapter!

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><p>Someone was pulling him upright. Hands were loosening his collar, smoothing back his sweat drenched hair, and making soothing noises at him as he whimpered at their touch. "Oh, Cupcake," a sad voice said from his side, "you're so much worse than you ever let us know."<p>

There was a sharp pain against his neck and a hiss as a needle gun injected something into his veins. He willed his eyes to open, but failed, as hands began to rummage through his pockets. "What's the matter with him?" a strange voice asked from nearby. "Is he alright?"

"He had a flashback," a more familiar voice said as hands unbuttoned his suit jacket. "He'll never admit it in a hundred thousand years, but he's suffering from post-traumatic stress from the Last Great Time War." Fingers closed around his tool kit and pulled it from him. He heard it click open then back shut before being replaced. "I suppose you'd know it better as shell shock."

"Oh," the strange voice said quietly. "After my bother came back from the Great War he would have these terrors at night. He wouldn't recognize us when we tried to wake him up and sometimes... well, sometimes he'd go to the kitchen, get a knife, and attack us screaming that we were the Austrians. We had to start tying him to his bed at night." There was a long pause. "That's not going to happen to the Master, is it?"

"No," the familiar voice said firmly, hands leaving him. "Things will never get as bad as all that." There was a sigh of frustration. "Of course he wouldn't have his screwdriver on him. That would have been too easy. If you could hand me his present, sweetheart?" Something large and bulky was shoved into his pocket.

The smell of ammonia invaded his senses and he lurched forward, eyes opening, as he gasped loudly for breath. "There we are," the familiar voice said comfortingly as hands came up to steady him. "Welcome back to the land of the living, Cupcake."

He looked up to recognize a familiar face wreathed in unruly blond curls. "River," he gasped. "Wha-What happened? Where are we?"

"We're safe enough for the moment," River said fondly, touching his face gently to wipe away a bead of sweat that was dripping down. "You just take a bit of a rest while I figure us our way out of here." Squeezing his shoulder affectionately, River stood. Drawing her gun with one hand she touched an earpiece with the other saying "River Song to Base, I've got the Ego in check," as she winked at him saucily. With that she stepped around the machinery that had been blocking him from Dalek sensors, her voice becoming quiet and muffled before fading away completely.

He watched the space where she had left his view, fighting back the urge to call out for her and beg her to return. He couldn't quite remember what had happened to him but he knew that River was his way out. She'd saved him from the Time-Lock. She could get them out of this mess as well.

"Er, hello," a soft voice said from his right and he jumped, pressing himself tightly against the wall as he spun towards the danger. There was a woman, more of a girl really, crouched down on the floor near him. She smiled at him weakly, looking nervous as she twinkled her fingers at him in greeting. Out of time, his mind supplied helpfully taking in her heavily curled blond hair and old-fashioned pleated pencil skirt and stockings. "Hello," she said again seeming to take his silence as a good sign. She extended a hand towards him, her smile warming. "I'm Kitty."

He said nothing, staring at her hand distrustfully until the girl faltered and lowered it with a pout. She had an American accent, he realized absently. When would River have gotten the chance to collect an out of time American?

"We've actually already met," Kitty said, her gaze going to the ground as she began to flush slightly. "But River says you won't remember since it hasn't happened to you yet so I guess this is our first meeting so you should really tell me your name even though I already know that you like to be called the Master even though River calls you Cupcake which is funny because when I made you cupcakes you hated them and-"

"Breathe," he ordered. He swallowed heavily, beginning to relax as the girl gasped loudly and silenced, her face going beet red. Well that answered that question, he thought darkly. She was one of the Doctor's future human pets. And she _knew_ him. That was a miserable sign if there ever was one. If this girl was from his future then what about River?

"I've got us our path out!" River said brightly, stepping back into his line of vision. Yes, this was a different River. Her hair was longer, even more unruly than the River he had arrived with and the grey dress she wore set her eyes off much nicer than the white jacket the younger River had been wearing. Not that he ever paid much attention to what the woman wore. She surveyed the scene before her, taking in the girl's flushing face and the Master's back pressed tightly to the wall and smirked widely. "Being a bit forward, are we Kitty? Be careful not to scare our Cupcake off, he's an old-fashioned gent."

He gaped at River in horror as Kitty's face somehow went even redder. "I'm not-" she began to protest.

The ship lurched heavily beneath them. River staggered heavily but somehow managed to stay upright as Kitty shrieked and he scrambled for a handhold. "That was our cue," River said reaching down to give him a hand up. "We need to get a move on."

His knees trembled and nearly gave out as he stood, River and Kitty catching him being the only reason he didn't fall to the floor once more. Gritting his teeth he cursed this weakness, arm automatically going around the human girl's shoulders as he struggled for balance.

A second explosion rocked the ship and River swore loudly. "We're behind. Keep the doors unlocked for us," she said, reaching up to touch her headpiece once more. Frowning at him, she sighed deeply. "Kitty you're going to have to help him walk. The stimulant isn't kicking in fast enough. Keep a tight hold of him. We're going to need to move fast to catch back up to our plan."

_What stimulant? _ he thought as Kitty let out a nervous sounding half giggle and said, "Alright!" a little too brightly for his liking. He rolled his eyes, glaring at River as the human wrapped her arm around him tightly and practically nuzzled –_nuzzled!_– herself against him. He would have rather been cuddled by a rabid Raxacoricofallapatorian but, as the ship lurched for a third time, he knew there was no way he was going to be able to stay on his feet in his current condition.

"What plan?" he growled out instead, resisting the urge to retch as the human girl sighed happily against him.

"Spoilers," River said cheerfully, seeming to take great pleasure in his discomfort as she led them to the door of the stasis chamber. She reached up to touch her earpiece once more. "Door one." She paused, listening to someone on the other side. "Yes, I know we're behind! He's much worse off than I expected. Now if you could open the door please Base?"

With a shuddering groan the door slid open revealing a wall of fire, the shattered remains of Daleks littering the floor as a roll of smoke invaded their room. As one they recoiled in horror, River shouting "Shut the door! Shut it!" as Kitty staggered back and fell, taking him with her. Smoke filled the room as the door slowly slid to a shut, cutting off the fire from them once more.

"Damnation," River growled, holstering her gun as fans roared into life, sucking the smoke from the room. "We're cut off."

"Are you alright?" Kitty asked him, large brown doe eyes looking at him worriedly as she helped him back to his feet.

"I'm fine," he growled, fighting back the urge to snap at her. Needing her help as he did he was going to have to play nice until _after_ they had escaped the fire blocking their path.

"What can you give us as an alternate route?" River asked the person on the other side of her earpiece. She stood in the middle of the room, coiled with unused energy as she surveyed around them for other ways to escape. "I see an old teleportaion coil in the corner," she said crossing the room to the pile of junk. "If you can get one end open I can try getting this side operational." Hauling a large piece of sheet metal off of it with a grunt she surveyed the damage with an appraising eye. "Well what other options do we have? The vents? My dear, you've been watching far too many science fiction movies."

His legs were beginning to feel stronger as Kitty helped him cross the room to stand by River. Glancing down at the pile of dented metal and severed wires he mentally calculated the effort it would take them to get it operational and came up with an answer he didn't like. "Fixing this quickly is impossible," he said darkly. "If we're going to escape we need a different route."

"Oh don't be so pessimistic, Cupcake," River scolded lightly, calmly reaching into his suit pocket to remove his tool kit. He rolled his eyes at her intrusion but didn't protest as River snapped open the kit and removed a portable soldering iron. "If we remotely attach my Vortex Manipulator to it we'll get this fixed in no time."

"If you have a Vortex Manipulator why don't we just use that to escape?" he demanded, pushing Kitty away from him as he reached out to help River lift a particularly large chunk of metal.

"The Doctor damaged it while we were on the Ood homeworld," River said with a smile, ripping out a mass of wires and tossing them carelessly over her shoulder. He opened his mouth to protest their removal but she was already rerouting a second set of wires from the connection terminals to the secondary displacement device and _of course_! He could see it all in his head now, how they could put the machine back together, boost its power, and do it in the fraction of the time it would take them to put the fire out. "Now it only takes me into the TARDIS," River continued even though he was no longer listening. "Which may be helpful, but it's the wrong TARDIS for you."

He ripped off his suit coat and scarf, absently handing them to Kitty as he rolled up his sleeves. "I'm going to need a fission battery and a dozen exothermic couplers," he said to her, pulling off a panel to survey the damage there. "And a working dissimilation crystal."

Kitty looked from him to River, her face blank. "You need what?" she asked, looking nervous.

"One of those glowing tubes, a dozen small horseshoe looking things, and rip open control panels until you find something that looks like a quarter-sized diamond," River said helpfully, gesturing back at the still standing stasis chambers.

Kitty scrambled into action, reaching the first stasis chamber as the ship shook once again, the groaning sound of metal tearing echoing up from below.

River glanced at her watch as she twisted wire together and soldered it to the circuit board. "We have seven minutes," she said offhandedly. "Hand me that replicating ion accelerator, would you?"

"Seven minutes until what?" he asked, ripping the device from its place and handing it to her.

"Until you're supposed to be in the docking bay crashing into me as I wait for you," River supplied, wiring the device in with a smile.

"Will these work?" Kitty asked, running back up to them, her hands full of parts.

He took them from her, eyeing them carefully. "Some of these are damaged," he said, holding up a coupler. "Get more."

"On it!" Kitty said, dashing back off again.

"And I need a larger dissimilation crystal!" he snapped after her. "This one's too small!" With a growl of frustration he went back to work, tossing aside the damaged couplers and the crystal as he slotted the battery into its place. "Are all of the Doctor's little pets so useless?"

"Oh, be easy on her," River scolded with a smile, up to her elbows now in the battered machine. "For a flapper girl she's adapting surprisingly well to all this. Besides, she has _such_ a crush on you. It would be a shame if you destroyed her dreams so soon after you've met her."

He rolled his eyes at her, and grunted with annoyance. "Aren't you supposed to be constantly saying 'spoilers' at me? Or has the Doctor gotten rid of that rule?"

River shrugged. "While the Doctor abhors spoilers you seem to rather like them," she said, smile widening. "Would you rather I stop telling you things before I let slip the romantic evening you have planned for Kitty then?"

Freezing with horror, he turned towards River slowly. "I-" he sputtered lowly. "I wouldn't-!"

"No you wouldn't," River agreed cheerfully, winking at him. "But it would be _funny_ if you did."

"_**Funny!**_?"

"Is this one better?" Kitty asked, interrupting him before he could explode into a full rant. She looked at him intensely, her eyes begging for his approval as he glared at her darkly.

With a grunt he snatched the crystal out of her hands, being careful not to touch her skin as he did so. "It's fine," he muttered under his breath, dropping it into its place. River grinned at him, handing him the soldering iron as he fixed the crystal in place. "The dissimulator is done," he said shortly, pulling back and standing back up. His knees trembled slightly as he stood but at least he was able to stand on his own this time.

"I've got the control unit operational and hooked in," River said, snapping her control panel shut and standing up as well. She reached up to touch her earpiece. "We're ready Base, do you have a lock?"

Kitty offered him his suit jacket and scarf back and he took them, shoving his scarf into his pocket as he slid the jacket back on. The human was blushing as she shuffled up to him awkwardly, her eyes bright with adoration as she looked up at him. He resisted the urge to gag and wondered what sort of brain damage had occurred to his future self that allowed him to put up with this sort of nonsense.

"No, we need him as close to the docking bay as possible," River said into her earpiece, turning away from him slightly. "We're almost out of time."

"You know," Kitty said, batting her eyes at him as she reached up to smooth down the lapel of his jacket. "I think you're the smartest person I've ever known. And," she giggled sweetly, "you're just so handsome! Even like this."

He stared down at her dispassionately, mentally vowing to himself that whatever the future brought, _**this**_ would never happen. He plucked her hand off her chest, dropping it as he stepped away. "Don't we have a time limit or something?" he growled, turning his back on the human and stepping closer to River.

"Yes, as close as you can make it," River said, turning back to face him. Her hand dropped to her side and she grinned at him widely. "It's been so good seeing you again, Cupcake. I've missed that face of yours."

"Aren't you coming?" he asked, huffily crossing his arms as Kitty slinked up to stand next to him again.

"Not this time," River said. "After we send you off I'll teleport Kitty and I straight to our Doctor's TARDIS and we'll be off. So this is goodbye for us now."

"Goodbye!" Kitty squealed, throwing her arms around him as he jerked back and raised his hands to ward her off. Standing on her tip-toes she pressed a kiss to his cheek as she squeezed him tightly. "I'll miss you!"

River laughed at the shocked expression on her face, gently reaching out to pull Kitty away before he snapped and struck the idiot human. "We'll be seeing him again shortly," she soothed as Kitty began to wipe away tears.

"Yes, but it won't be _this_ Master," Kitty said tearfully.

It was official. Apparently his next regeneration was going to suffer from massive brain damage and insanity. He made a mental note to die next time rather than regenerate again. _Anything_ to wipe this horror from his future.

"Your present is in your inside pocket and don't forget your tool kit," River said, breaking into his thoughts as she offered him the closed case.

He took it, tucking it back into its spot as she and Kitty took several steps back. "I would say that it was a pleasure," he started as the teleporter beside him slowly hummed into life. "But that lie wouldn't even begin to cover things."

River laughed loudly. "I'm never going to stop teasing you about this day," she said warmly, pressing a button on her Vortex Manipulator.

There was a rush of nothingness as the world dissolved around him. Before he could blink it was back, his surroundings different and somehow shorter than it had been before. He swore loudly as gravity kicked back in, hitting something soft and warm that grunted in protest as they crashed to the ground together. He struggled to detangle himself from it and then froze as a laser pistol dug itself deeply into his jaw.

"It's me!" he protested, recognizing the blond curls of River Song.

She looked up at him, eyes softening with relief as she pulled the gun away and helped him to his feet. "Oh thank goodness," she sighed. "I was told to expect you a minute and a half ago and I was starting to worry."

"Glad to know you waited," he growled, smoothing the wrinkles from his jacket. He could smell the faint scent of jasmine on the fabric and he glared down at himself darkly. It was the scent of that Kitty girl's perfume. He was going to have to burn this suit now. He had _liked_ this suit.

"You would not believe the weirdness I've just experienced," River said, wrist coming up to fiddle with her Vortex Manipulator.

"I think I may have a general idea of it," he muttered, tucking his scarf more firmly into his pocket. Around them the ship lurched once more and they both swore. "Any time now, River," he said, reaching out to grab onto the white fabric of her jacket.

"I'm having problems locking onto the TARDIS," River muttered, brow furrowed as she worked. "For some reason there seems to be _two_ of them. There. Got it." She reached back and grabbed onto his arm tightly as the ship shook once more. "Hold on tight!"

They reappeared in his room, crashing down onto his floor in a tangle of limbs and bruises. Rubbing the back of his head, he glared at his bed balefully. The least the TARDIS could have done was break their fall, he thought darkly as River rolled herself off of his legs.

"Ha, made it!" River groaned, sitting up with a grin. "And all without the Doctor knowi-"

"River! Master!" Their heads whipped over towards his fireplace as the Doctor leaped out of his armchair. The Time Lord's hair was in disarray, stubble graced his cheeks, and dark circles were under his eyes. "_Where have you __**been**__!_?"

River sighed in annoyance. "Damn."


End file.
